Harmonious_Echos Posted October 23, 2012 Report Posted October 23, 2012 JoyFall It starts with a whisper of comfort a hint of warmth a hint of rosy color a surge of an active peace painting just a touch of life into an age old picture then, listening a faint jingling of chimes and bells a silvery, heraldic ringing in my mind; building up, not chaotically, as disorganised and beautiful as an ocean's swell then Splash! my eyes are opened to catch a brilliant flash of beauty, out of the ordinary day, suddenly the diamond fractal shines true; again, and again, there, there! I catch my breath as the miracle of creation presents itself to me. The music within a thundering symphony bringing tears of humility and awe; Then fades again to the soft ringing of the bells the scent of a loving mother's embrace sweet sunshine on the dew yes, this, this is Joy. Quote
reverie Posted November 23, 2012 Report Posted November 23, 2012 Forgive me, I wasn't sure what you poem was trying to get at i.e. what particular joyful event you were trying to showcase. So, I took some liberties and edited with an a eye towards creating a swell crescendo thing (thin beginning, bigger at end). Ending is good, only I tweaked it slightly to add more swell. It starts with a whisper, a hint of warmth, a surge of peace, painting just a touch of life into an old picture. Listening, a faint jangle of chimes, a silvery, heraldic ringing; building up -- not chaotically -- rhythmic, as disorganized and beautiful as an ocean's swell, then Splash! My eyes are opened to catch a brilliant flash of day -- beautiful, sudden -- the diamond fractal shines true; again, and again, there, there! I catch my breath as the miracle of creation presents itself to me. The music within a thundering symphony bringing tears of humility and awe; Then fades again and again to the soft ringing of the bells the scent of a love, a mother's embrace, the sweet sunshine on the dew yes, this,this is joy. Quote
Harmonious_Echos Posted November 26, 2012 Author Report Posted November 26, 2012 The poem was meant to catch an emotion--not an event--so it's much harder to discribe! The general idea was that it starts small, but is no less and no more throughout; just a stronger feeling which is just as pure & happy. Like I said, difficult. thanks for the input though! Quote
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