Doctor Jo Does Divorce redux

[jonadine]

You suck. she said, like its your fate

it pops my ears, the sucks so great.

 

You suck like you heard sucking's cool

Like you learned how in sucking school,

 

If there were a sucking test,

No question, you would be the best,

 

Or if it were a sucking race

You'd win the prize and be first place.

 

You suck all day and suck all night

'til babies weep and crops get blight,

 

You would suck if it were noon,

you still suck out on the moon.

 

You suck forever and an hour,

You suck 'til it's your superpower.

 

You suck, she said, like I'm a girl,

You suck so much it makes me hurl.

 

You suck the birds and suck the bees

and suck the leaves right off the trees

 

You suck the clouds across the sky

and suck the whole damn ocean dry

 

You suck in cars and suck in trucks

I cant believe how much you suck.

 

You suck in Noah and the Ark

the Empire State and Fenway Park.

 

You suck until your face turns blue,

and suck until your dog sucks too.

 

I feel, she said, that sucks so big

that it will snap you like a twig,

 

You'll break in two and then therefore

after that you'll suck some more,

 

You suck for real and that's no lie

You suck so much that you might die,

 

You'd suck if sucking didn’t exist

You suck so hard I made a list.

 

You have reached your sucking goal,

and now resemble a black hole

 

You've sucked so much, gained so much mass,

you'll have to blow it out your &$$.

Edited August 20, 2012 by Jomeansme

[Azuran]

Haha, it's like Dr. Seuss' evil twin. I can just picture all the amusing illustrations to go along with it...

[reverie]

Very good. A very slam-able poem. Only suggestion. Pick a point in the poem, either the middle or the near the end and step out of the frame.

 

Keep the "you suck like," frame, but then paint a very real scene, lay it on thick, like the poet is losing it a little, and getting so angry that the can't control their disgust and the meter of the poem breaks down / you break down into short rant).

 

Example: You suck like your boyfriend can't suck me (then go into way too much information land, and let it go on and on, until you are on the verge of a breakdown. Or instead of one long scene, have cascade of shorter ones that build on each other and get longer and longer until the persona breaks down, then pause and go back to the original meter like nothing happened to close.

 

Example: You suck like when I'm stick at home waiting / waiting on the phone / at a bar looking for you drunk ass etc.

 

 

You're slamming, so don't be afraid to expletives. Might not be pen-friendly, but in RL shoot for the moon.

 

 

 

I feel, she said, that suck so big

that it will snap you like a f***ing twig,