#74

[Mira]

Crosspost from The Muse and Quill Cafe...

 

So long

it has been since

I felt the heat of

skin upon skin;

Felt the beat of

heart hidden within

a chest

 

So long

 

Since I have been blessed…

[Appy]

Mira! o/

 

Nice one...

[Peredhil]

This makes me ache. One reason I hug so much, virtually and in real life, is that touch is my primary love language. I see someone in pain, and I ache to just hold them and give them energy.

You really captured, for me, the longing to feel that special touch of a lover.

I do so enjoy your poetry.

*Polite huggles!*

[reverie]

Still love those italics I see. Hey Mira, what's up. Long time no talk.

 

Hmm. Great lead in, you got me for the first 5 lines. Feels real, but then the " heart hidden within / a chest" falls a little flat for me.

Why's the heart hidden, if you can feel it? Or at least remember how it felt.

 

Last line doesn't do it for me either, but poem as whole has potential.

 

Here's something you could try (example only, am not saying you should do this).

 

 

So long

it has been, since

I felt the heat of

skin upon skin;

Felt the beat skip

heart hidden (bitten?), ripped (then let it tumble, erratic into excited staccato lust-speak vibe)

 

or Felt the heart beat (same tumble, but use the orgasm crescendo heartbeat wave, building, fast as @#@$, recovery afterglow slowing slow, as your launching off point.)

 

cheers,

 

rev