James Crow Posted January 22, 2011 Report Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) I went to the coffee house,And saw a beautiful girl.She said,How may I help you?I responded,I would like a drink but can't make up my mind.I don't know what to do.She looked at me and said,I can offer some suggestions.You could go with the same boring thing as you've had before,Like regular and decaf.Or you could try a little taste of Italy,With the Latte.Or something a little sweeter,Like the Mocha.Or something really strong,Like the Espresso.Or maybe something a little weaker,Like the Americano.Or a quick buzz,With a Cappuccino.Or perhaps you would like something a lot softer,Like the Caramel Macchiato.Or go with something always true,That will stay with you,Like the Hot Tea.I gave her a grin.Made my order,And left.I went to the coffee house,And saw a crying girl.I said,How may I help you?She responded,I need a new boyfriend and I can't make up my mind.I don't know what to do!I looked at her and said,I can offer some suggestions.You could go with the same boring thing as you've had before,A jerk and a snob.Or you could try a little taste of Italy,With a Foreigner.Or something a little sweeter,Like a Dreamer.Or something really strong,Like a Athlete.Or maybe something a little weaker,Like a Nerd.Or a quick buzz,With a Celebrity.Or perhaps you would like something a lot softer,Like a Romantic.Or go with something always true,That will stay with you,Like Me.She gave me a grin.Made her order,And left. Edited January 22, 2011 by James Crow
Mardrax Posted January 23, 2011 Report Posted January 23, 2011 *grin* I like. I love how you keep on displaying a knack of building strength through repitition, without feeling like you're repeating yourself. If I would be giving you any tips, it'd be to experiment some with structure and formatting. Play around with punctuation, capitalisation and other stylistical elements. For example in this piece, does every sentence really need that comma at the end? That capital at the start? Does every sentence need the line break where it is? Does every letter need to be the same boring typeset that you've used before? Straight, unbolded? Or could it do with a little taste of Italics? What effect do all of these elements have? What would be the effect if you omitted them, or replaced? You're showing a very firm grasp of the formatting structure you've used in mostly the same form as you've used in all your works on here, of delivering content as is - simple and effective. Breaking out of that mold may make your grasp even firmer.
James Crow Posted January 28, 2011 Author Report Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks for the advise. I tried to use it on my new poem. Thanks again for all the help you and everyone here has given me.
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