Dreams

[jonadine]

I dreamed you tall and whole

strong, straight and well,

with a practiced patter

sharp as a cutting remark.

 

You would think it was funny, too

that you were gay in my dream,

completely, limp-wristedly

a flamingo in style.

 

You wore a silver jumpsuit,

and had a bowl haircut,

(What were you thinking?)

and grinned like a shark.

 

What does it mean that I dreamed you

a future you never had and it was FABulous?

 

Did I dream you an afterlife?

A beauty school dropout, angelic frankie avalon heaven?

 

I don't think it means I forgive you

But I'm sure it means I still love you.

Edited December 2, 2010 by Jomeansme

[jonadine]

And I kind of hope the pearlygate smile

 

and gossip benediction awaits all of us.

 

 

 

*I wrote these two lines to complete the final stanza. I think it gives it a better balance.

[Quincunx]

In addition to, or in place of? The new lines return to the florid style and the implications instead of saying things outright, and the last two lines of the original draft are a little too bald and forthright to fit. Have to sidle up to the admission sideways, usually, if your tongue is doing circumlocutions like the first few stanzas, otherwise the speaker is dropping the verbal bomb on himself instead of someone else. People don't often bomb their home territory--knowingly.

[jonadine]

What does it mean?

That I dreamed you

tall and whole.

Strong, straight and well,

with a practiced patter:

sharp as a cutting remark.

 

You would think it was funny, too,

that you were gay in my dream.

Completely, limp-wristedly,

a flamingo in style,

violently fashionable.

 

You wore a silver jumpsuit,

like a mirrored disco ball,

and had a bowl haircut,

(What were you thinking?)

and grinned like a shark.

 

What does it mean?

That I dreamed you a future you never had

and it was FABulous.

Did I dream you an afterlife?

A beauty school dropout, angelic frankie avalon heaven?

 

Maybe it means I forgive you,

But I'm sure it means I still love you,

funny little brother,

And I kind of hope the pearlygate smile

and gossip benediction await all of us.

Edited January 1, 2013 by Jomeansme

[jonadine]

Done. At least until the next time I go on an editing rampage.

Edited January 1, 2013 by Jomeansme