An Awkward Moment

[Snypiuer]

Degorram sat starring at the cluttered desk when she heard, what could only be described as, big floppy feet on hard wood floors coming from outside her office. The slapping stopped in the outer office and was replaced by shuffling - as if the creator of said slapping and shuffling was expecting someone to be there.

 

Degorram heard a muffled "Hello?" and was about to get up to look, when the door opened and she saw a sight that made her just freeze in place, mouth wide open in shock.

 

What she saw was an individual dressed (in a FEEBLE attempt) to look like Wyvern.

 

There in the doorway stood Snypiuer: wearing swim fins with pencils taped to the ends for talons, half of an umbrella and a window shade duct taped to his back for wings, a piece of garden hose for a tail and an old football helmet with a suspiciously vibrating electronic device and moldy carrot super glued to it for horns and a traffic cone for a snout - other then a speedo with 'I GELD' vertically (and strategically) sewn into it, that's ALL he was wearing.

 

There was a moment, that seemed to just stretch on and on, where they both just stood, not moving, starring at each other.

 

Snypiuer (timidly): "Heyyyy. . . Degorram. . . whatchya doing?"

 

Degorram: "Uhhh. . . what THE?!"

 

Snypiuer: Looks around nervously.

 

Degorram: "WHY?!"

 

Snypiuer (pure innocence): "What do you mean?"

 

Degorram (slowly): "Why. Are. You. Dressed. Like. THAT?"

 

Snypiuer: Looks at himself and gives her a blank stare.

 

Degorram: "Well?"

 

Snypiuer: "Well? WELL!? Well, I'll. . . I'll. . . I'll tell you!"

 

Degorram: Glares at him.

 

Snypiuer: "I'll. . . it's. . . I'll tell you what it's not!"

 

Degorram: Continues to glare.

 

Snypiuer (defiantly): "It's NOT an attempt to impersonate Wyvern and take over ALL his holdings!"

 

Degorram (disbelievingly): "REALLLYYYY!?"

 

Snypiuer (with bravado): "That's RIGHT! You, young lady, need to learn some manners! I'm an upstanding member of this community! How DARE you even

INSINUATE that I would do such a thing!?"

Degorram: Crosses arms, taps foot, slowly shakes head and gives him a VERY disapproving look.

 

Snypiuer: "I have NEVER been so insulted and will NOT stand here and take it!"

 

Degorram: Uses EVERY ounce of will power she posses to keep from laughing as Snypiuer TRIES to turn around and angrily leave, only to get tangled up

in his costume and stumbled around in a futile attempt to keep from falling. After he actually falls, she has to bite her lip 'till it bleeds and tears roll down her cheek as Snypiuer tries to pull himself up with the desk - only to have the pile of papers he placed his hand on, slide out from under it. The sight of Snypiuer hitting the floor again was too much - she put her face in her hands and stamped her feet as she fought to silence her laughs.

Snypiuer: Oblivious to Degorram, finally stands, straightens himself best he can and stomps out, "Good DAY!"

 

Degorram: Falls out of her chair as she hears Snypiuer falling down the stairs.

[Degorram]

*Degorram remembers fondly all the times she has fallen out of chairs laughing...*

[Quincunx]

On the floor below, Tzimfemme steps aside as a football helmet shimmies from the base of the stairwell, propelled by a suspiciously vibrating attachment, and by fits and jerks drags itself across the intersection and out of sight. "No. . .No, I don't," she says, and yet can't stop herself peering into the stairwell. The backside of the speedo, and the backside of Snypiuer, wobble slightly above the floor as he tries to rise to all fours. Well, it's too late not to pretend to the burning desire to know. . .

 

"Don't tell me the 'Women Against Speedo's' have started another gotcha campaign," she offers, flexing her fingers. "You'd almost think they aimed to grab ass anywhere the recipient would be off-balance."

 

"Don't be ridiculous!" retorts Snypiuer, gesturing from the floor like a toastmaster, flapping his pseudo-wings, forgetting that he was using that arm for support, and once again making a tripod of himself via his face. Up went Tzimfemme's eyes. "Mmm mph! . . ." By the time she'd indulged that fit of eye-rolling, he'd pushed himself to a kneeling position. The naked mage crossed her arms.

 

"Of--course. 'Twas ridiculous to suggest the WAS would object--"

 

"NAY! Could ANY woman object!" More gesticulation. The difference between an ordinary man and a Man of Terra was only the scale of belief, and the difference between those two groups and Snypiuer was plausibility. Tzimfemme reached out for his wrist, then, and reeled Snypiuer upwards with a twirl, and framed his face with her hands while trying to follow whatever blink-dog thought process had led to this. . .this.

 

"You. . .came downstairs. Note to self: see if one-way quality of hot air jump tubes can be distilled in magical form and applied to staircases, with allowances for--bugger it I'll work it out later." Now it was his turn to wear the baffled expression. "I wanted to go upstairs and have a chat with Wyvern in the Recruiter's Office and--you didn't. . ." She pushed him to arm's length and took in the entire outfit at once. He had. "Good gods. . .I want to go upstairs and chat with you, then, once you retrieve your horns." She pointed her thumb backwards over her shoulder, helmetwards.

[Snypiuer]

Unsure whether he was befuddled and confused due to Tzimfemme's baffling (yet short) tirade on hot air jump tubes, her nakedness (always a distraction) or the extremely recent tumble he experienced, Snypiuer stumbled out of the building and went in search of his helmet - all the while thinking, "Maybe I can use Tzimfemme to get Degorram out of the office, just for a little while. I just hope she doesn't realize Degorram is filling in for Wyvern!"

 

Snypiuer hurriedly heads in the direction of a distant vibrating noise.