Crossfired

[Mardrax]

So there you were

running

just running, oh poor you

 

I stumbled, tripped on the threshold

in a drunken attempt at arpeggiating

with the most awkward timing

ever

 

So there you were

stumbling

your path gone before you

 

To break beat I steadied

my gattling to mute

 

So there you were

huddling

to leave you alone

 

And suddenly spitfire tore up the mud

a blastbeat on snares like a rat-tat-tat-thud

but blastbeats just tend to get old really fast

leaving you gasping in the mosh that amassed

 

So there you are

caught

with nowhere to go

 

And here I am

standing

not knowing what -

 

~~~~

 

Sound confused? It is.

 

I... really don't know what to think of this. It's not my best, I'll give anyone that.

It's stumbling through from sheer awkwardness into more awkwardness. And I guess it's meant to.

But I think the awkward is too awkward. The second stanza stands out in that respect primarily. The first line of it bugs me. <- fixed somewhat. Now to see if this will settle.

I'm not sure about the last 3 lines. I like them. They're just right. But I don't know if they belong.

Edited February 16, 2010 by Mardrax