Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted November 10, 2009 Report Posted November 10, 2009 I gaze at you from inside a tree The bark and branches hinder me You are so close I could reach and touch But you are worlds away. In the wind my branches sway I scream and beg that you would stay But hear me not, you wander on I'm not human enough for you to know. To see you not, it hurts me so But seeing you my heart aches grow You are not mine to hold and keep Lord knows I wish you were. A golden eye and fox's fur Acorn cap and wood allure Any fey would captured be But you alone do not see me.
Wyvern Posted November 13, 2009 Report Posted November 13, 2009 A very sweet poem of love and yearning, Kikuyu. :-) I liked the nature imagery, particularly the stream of it provided in the last stanza, which was also enhanced by the way that you switched the partial rhyme scheme into something fuller to emphasize it. One thing I'd like to note is that the yearning depicted in this poem felt like somewhat of a happier sort of yearning to me despite the screaming and begging of the second stanza, as the imagery and pleasant rhymes evoked day dreams of love and longing to me. I like the feel of this happy yearning, as it's a welcome break from the many more depressing poems of separation that I've read here on the Pen. Anyway, nicely done Kikuyu. Thanks for sharing, as always!
OxygenPlant Posted November 14, 2009 Report Posted November 14, 2009 I love you :') I want to take your mind home with me and caress it on my pillow.
Ozymandias Posted November 17, 2009 Report Posted November 17, 2009 I am far too much of a geek for my own good apparently- I had to wrestle with my own perception suddenly and violently at the fourth stanza; until then, I had this image of an assassin waitin in the trees to slay a target seeing someone they've come to fall in love with while waiting and watching the area...but *somehow* the last stanza gave me the hint I was wayyyyyyy off base. {:>) Wonderful stuff; my brain damage aside, as Wyvern said, very sweet, actually, to the point of sounding like an old, old folk song that doesn't even have music, having never been written, but sung again and again.
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