Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted August 13, 2009 Report Posted August 13, 2009 (edited) I saw her once before At a funeral Her coat was lined with fur And her face was half hidden In the down of it. He was my friend The one who died Died quite suddenly, in sickness I do not know who she was to him Or he to her But I saw her then. She shed no tears She spoke no words She stared at the casket Her mouth a thin line of agony and loss. What she was looking at Was not the coffin, She looked beyond that. Into another world? Into a dream? It does not matter What does matter is that I never suspected Never suspected her at all. Now I see her again She still wears that furred coat Slender and dark against her The fur frames her face and hands, And buttons dot the front. She still wears that agony line on her face But now her eyes are clear And she is looking at me Not beyond me, but at me As behind her the world burns. Nor do I know why I am the last one The last one she should turn her gaze upon Perhaps at the funeral she saw me as I saw her Through the haze of her dream Through her pain. I never suspected it would come to this. And the world burns, It dies under her pain Even now it scalds at her feet And all has crumbled in her gaze. I lie with a rose on my chest But I feel no pain, The thorns are buried in ice Or fire? I cannot feel them. Above me her mouth moves And finally a tear slides down her cheek And the fires grow closer She is lost Lost with no way of finding her way again Or him again, I imagine And she knows it She knows it. She sighs something, I crane my head to hear "I'm alive, I'm alive." I cannot make it out She is the only one left I am now looking at her from everywhere From every angle I can even see myself Why am I so far away? I cannot reach myself. She turns away And turns her back On the world again On the fire that has burned her So many times That now it has started in her And consumed the earth She walks into nothing Into her other world Her world free of pain And leaves what remains The rose growing in a white shirt The fire dancing in the grasses A discarded furred jacket The laughter chained in tightened lips. She dissolves into starlight And blackness While all around us dances The ever weeping song of change The crying out of voices That never dies Never grows silent The voices that are eternal Singing that final chorus "I'm alive, I'm alive." Edited August 16, 2009 by Kikuyu Black Paws
Peredhil Posted August 14, 2009 Report Posted August 14, 2009 ooooh, companion piece, entwined fraternal twinned poems. I like it! The other depressed me, the anger in this one is easier to bear. something psychological about me there... "She still wears that agony line on her face", I like the figure of speech in this line. evocative of memories. Which of y'all will write the third poem of the set, from his point of view?
Wyvern Posted August 16, 2009 Report Posted August 16, 2009 Nice poem, Kikuyu. :-) The cold and damaged character depicted in it and the way that the narrator connects to her were interesting to read. I particularly liked the third stanza, with the contrasting image of the woman's tears and approaching fire, though the "anyway" at the end of the fourth line of that stanza felt a little off to me as far as tone goes. I also like the way that this piece and Degorram's "I'm Alive" compliment each other, nicely tied together there gals. :-) I must say, my biggest complaint with this poem is the title, which I find sort of gimmicky and which I don't think does the poem justice... I say give the woman a different name, and let her apocalyptic traits be implied through the poem itself! Thanks for sharing this Kikuyu, cool as always. :-)
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted August 16, 2009 Author Report Posted August 16, 2009 Thanks Wyv! I'll take note of those changes right away.
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