OxygenPlant Posted July 6, 2009 Report Posted July 6, 2009 My mind has packed it's napsack Hitched a ride somewhere Place to place it goes Doesn't stop here or there Like a drifter, Not bound by time or agenda Freedom without purpose A trap in it's own regard. Perception occupies the only limit All around is only sight. an image rendered by understanding. Touch is nothing tangible Just a sensory projection. Drifting nomad mind, you move in hopes of finding self in an existential wasteland. Nothing here but barren prose. Drifter you are weary, it's time to travel home.
Katzaniel Posted July 7, 2009 Report Posted July 7, 2009 Ooh, there's a lot to appreciate here, especially the last few lines. Good choice of words gives a good feel to it, and the topic is interesting. I hope you don't mind my saying, though, you need to watch your "it's" and "its". The apostrophe is needed in this word only as a contraction to it is. If you're talking about possessing something, use "its": My mind has packed it's napsack -> My mind has packed its napsack A trap in it's own regard. -> A trap in its own regard. it's time to travel home. -> This one is right. I mention it because it's such a little thing, but very jarring to some to see it wrong. Cheers!
OxygenPlant Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Posted July 8, 2009 (edited) Hehe, thanks Katzaniel. And thanks for your OCD apostrophes. It's (oooooh, see what I did) not even something I would have thought of. Although, I write pretty scrappily. <-- Hope that non existent word doesn't annoy you. I care not for the restraints of good enligaesh! Haha, no really, thank you. And thank you for taking the time to read it. It's (oh my gosh! it wore off on me!!) one of my favourites. I'm hoping to be more active here again! So... gogogo! Edited July 8, 2009 by OxygenPlant
Katzaniel Posted July 8, 2009 Report Posted July 8, 2009 Making up words doesn't annoy me in the least.
Vlad Posted July 9, 2009 Report Posted July 9, 2009 There's a good narrative going on here, I like the story told of your mind leaving and then (presumably) returning when it has completed its sojourn. I've looked at this several times now and am still finding new insight and perspective and new messages coming from your poem.
OxygenPlant Posted July 10, 2009 Author Report Posted July 10, 2009 This forum is awesome. Finding people who understand your thoughts on a similar level yet in their own unique way. Love love love it. Thank you, Vlad.
Mardrax Posted July 10, 2009 Report Posted July 10, 2009 (edited) To refrain from saying the same things that have been said, and definitely have been worth saying: I really like the 'A trap in its own regard' line. (mind the apostrophe there though; it's not a verb, its a possessive pronoun) I can read it in four different ways when combined with the surrounding lines, each of them equally meaningful. Great stuff ^^ Edited July 12, 2009 by Mardrax
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