The Almost Report Poses as Pennites in Mardi Gras Madness

[Wyvern]

The hissy and shaky sounds of Almost Dragonic Brand Snake Tail Rattlers™ cue up with the news cameras, which turn and pan over an extra colorful and sparkly rendition of CheerMynx’s bedroom HQ. Orange and black bean bags are scattered across the rainbow spectrum of confetti that covers the cheerline’s floor, and decorative sparkly plastic butterflies dangle from the ceiling in honor of a certain pennite’s birthday. The attention of the cameras is diverted from the silvery beads strung around CheerMynx’s mirror as a dancing parade of troglyodytes passes by, complete with synchronized arm twirls and scaly rear-shaking antics. The cameras follow the line of troglyodytes for a moment, zooming in to examine the details of the fake Pen Elder Dwarf beards and corresponding name cards they’re wearing, only to be interrupted as a familiar claw taps on the side of a lens.

 

“Greetingssss. It’s an Almost Report Mardi Gras party, and yer all invited to watch!”

 

The cameras zoom out to get a better shot of Wyvern, who is dressed in a combination of black leather boots, black leather gloves, a black leather jacket complete with accompanying black leather cape, and a wide-brimmed black leather hat that hangs pierced through one of his horns uselessly. The overgrown lizard wears a pirate-style patch over his left eye, and a silver badge with the word “Demi-God” is pierced upside-down on his jacket over the region of his heart. The most notable aspect of the lizard’s outfit, however, is the stuffed imitation squirrels that hang on strings from his belt. Each of the squirrels has an empty miniature can of Bruteweiser taped around its chest, with each of the cans painted red and tagged with the white initials “TNT.” The cans rattle like mariachis when Wyvern moves due to the curly onion cheese doodles loaded within them, and an extra set of “TNT” sporting squirrels drag behind him via a string attached to his tail stinger.

 

“Glad you could join usss, the party’sss just getting started.” Wyvern travels over to the crimson-glazed mini-cake that rests on a table adjacent to CheerMynx’s dresser, then pulls off one of his gloves to reach down and scoop up a lick of frosting in his claw. His tongue curls over the sample as he hisses. “Right off the bat, I’d like to sssend out the Almost Report’s best birthday wishes to Annael and Alaeha. Feel free to drop by for sssome treats, though no promises on cake.”

 

Wyvern rattles his squirrels a bit to give Annael and Alaeha a taste of the curly onion cheese doodles on offer, then tosses his cape back and turns to CheerMynx’s dresser. With his claw still ungloved, he opens and glances through the drawers one at a time, in the search for a misplaced bottle of Bruteweiser Bubbly (or panties… or perhaps some sort of Pen Diary?). He grunts when he comes up short, and pulls his glove back on as he shuts the last drawer with his tail and turns back to the cameras.

 

“On the top fifty Pen Party Newsss playlist, we’ve got the First Line Poetry Challenge and 28 Weeks Later (no affiliation, *ahem*) at the tops of the poetry and RPing chartsss.” Wyvern turns and begins wandering through the various partying troglyodytes, making his way over to CheerMynx’s bed. “Followed ssswiftly by the latessst Pen Graffiti, and the winding down of Werewolf XLII and Meet the Almost Reporter. Go get yourselves involved in this sssseasons hottest Mardi Gras events!”

 

Wyvern rattles his way up to the head of CheerMynx’s bed and reaches under one of the pillows, instantly pulling out a bottle of Bruteweiser Bubbly in a way that calls his previous search for booze into question (... definitely panties). The overgrown lizard cradles the bottle in his claws as he slowly seats himself on a large black bean bag set in the corner of the room, blending in a bit given the color of his outfit. The reptilian reporter removes the patch from his left eye, however, as he realizes that CheerMynx’s arrival must be imminent…

[CheerMynx]

"Wooooo!"

CheerMynx burst into the room in a flurry of beads, feathers, and alcohol.

"Woooooooo!"

Making a beeline for the dancing parade, CheerMynx threw her paws up (spilling most of the drink she was clutching), let out another "Woooo!", and began to dance along.

 

The cheeline was covered in brown and tawny feathers, an effect she appeared to have achieved by simply coating herself in tar and then jumping into a vat at a down factory. The result was rather impressive, if somewhat messy. Splashes of still-wet tar were flung about the room with every energetic momvement on CheerMynx's behalf. A half mask in the form of an owl was sitting crookedly on her face, and a suspicious number of beads hung about her person.

 

Wyvern could only gape at the exuberantly dancing mess that was his Almost Intern before her movements brought her full circle back to him.

"Wooooo!" She flung her paws up again, before hugging Wyvern (and getting part of her costume on him).

"Happy Gardi Mras! I mean Mradi Gars! I mean..." CheerMynx giggled and readjusted her mask, spilling the last of her drink down her back.

 

"Like ohmygawd Wyvie have you tried the punch?! It's totally AMAZING!" Shoving her drink at Wyvern's face, CheerMynx looked down into the now empty glass and frowned.

 

"Like, gee," she mumbled, swaying slighty. "Where'd it go?"

[Wyvern]

Wyvern clears his throat a bit as he tries to remember whether or not he’d tried the “So pink it must be alcoholic” punch, visibly distracted by the midriff gap that CheerMynx’s lost costume feathers have created. The overgrown lizard pulls out a large manila envelope labeled “CM collection #7” and sweeps the bits of stuck feather memorabilia into it, then licks it and seals it shut before turning to CheerMynx with an awkward grin.

 

“B-b-bit o the Bruteweissser Bubbly?”

 

Wyvern tips the beverage to CheerMynx’s glass, only to have the entire bottle snatched from him and guzzled by the enthusiastic Almost Intern. The overgrown lizard clears his throat a bit and adjusts the collar of his leather hoodie as the owl-ish party gal goes through another “Wooooo!” motion, his eyes following her bobbing chest feathers as she bounces up and down.

 

“Man." Wyvern spinning eyes roll their way to a halt long enough to catch CheerMynx's grin. "I reeaaaallly needssss to try me some of that pun-”

 

Wyvern''s statement is cut short as the troglyodyte parade passes through again at triple the speed, engulfing him in a number of Pen Elder Dwarf marching build-up drums and Pen Elder Dwarf comic timing cymbals. The overgrown lizard grunts as he's turned full circle in the partying crowd, extending a claw to his favorite cheerline as her feathered sight fades further and further into the distance...