Wyvern Posted January 12, 2009 Report Posted January 12, 2009 The news cameras fade in to the sight of an extra-large tigertaur cat mattress, with wide orange cushions capable of engulfing entire objects in a sea of comfortable fluffiness. Surrounding the mattress are a variety of counters and shaman spell bookshelves that might be used by a human (or nosy Wyvern), along with a few matted sunbathing spots perfect for large tigers. The sound of a roaring waterfall can be heard faintly in the background from an outdoor Courtyard, causing a familiar set of horns that stick from a spot on the mattress to tremble a bit. Wyvern slowly pulls himself up from the orange cushions with a wide stretch of his wings, raising his arms above his head and letting a toothy yawn loose. The overgrown lizard scratches at his outfit, which consists of a maroon vest lined with several rows of small grey catnip mice and a pair of kitten-claw-torn black trousers. Wyvern’s tail juts out of a particularly large scratch hole in the back, with a long line of bright purple yarn string tied to his tail stinger. The string swings left and right as the reptilian reporter shifts his tail and turns his head to the cameras. “Greetingssss, and welcome to a feline pennite Almossst Report ssspecial.” Wyvern raises a claw and signals to two troglyodyte soundmen wearing white kitten ear hats, who wave to the cameras before circling around the mattress a bit. “As you can sssee, the regular news crew is back for a brand new ssseason of the Report. And since we’re back in a reasonable geld margin, we’re kicking thingssss off with an illegal broadcassst from Katzaniel’s old abode. This chamber hasn’t really been used for a couple yearsss, but one couldn’t think of a better place to give the many felines of the Pen their props.” Wyvern flashes a toothy grin, then swims his way through Katzaniel’s cushions and emerges with his cat-attracting suit in tact. The reptilian reporter brushes the traces of tigertaur fur from his horns, then clears his throat and points his claw at a large quilt collage of a variety of different feline species that hangs on the wall. Probably an Almost Dragonic Brand Cat Shredded Scrap Quilt™, since none of the particular species are immediately recognizable. “Anywaysss, we want to sssend our best wishes out to Katzaniel, Mynx, and Lord Panther (happy belated!), as well as Degorram and any other shapeshifting pennite who occasionally takesss the form of a cat.” Wyvern pulls out a champagne bottle labeled Almost Dragonic Brand Bubbly Molten Milk™ and pops the steel cork. “Alssso, I’d like to make a ssspecial sacrifice in honor of this occasion. I, Wyvern Q. AlmostDragon, hereby ssswear to treat cute and innocent kittens with 5% less cruelty over the course of this Report. Fortunately, there’re no cute and innocent kittens in sight Wyvern sneers, then wanders over to a low copper platter that’s been set up on the floor. He pours a splash of Bubbly Molten Milk into each of the six titanium saucers that rest on the tray, watching the liquid froth over regardless of the tiny portions. “In the ssspirit of the recent Cabaret gift-giving exercise, we’re alssso hosting a special raffle exclusssive to the many cats of the Pen.” Wyvern pulls out of a set of scratched up tickets and waves them in the air, ignoring the troglyodyte cleaning crew that shoves the molten milk tray out of harm’s way with a broom. “The firssst two predatory catsss to call in via crystal ball will receive a free ticket that entitles them to use Woody the Office Door as a scratching post. Jussst don’t tell Woody who sent ya…” Wyvern winks to the cameras, then swings his tail and accidentally burns some of the yarn attached to it as it passes by the Molten Milk tray. “This raffle offer doesssn’t apply to CheerMynx, by the way.” Wyvern adjusts his catnip attire and ties a jingly ball to one of his horns for good measure, then crosses his arms over his chest and glances over at Katzaniel’s shaman hourglass clock. “No, the Almost-Intern-turned-celebrity-actresss-who-can’t-stick-around-for-a-measly-Report has something else in store, I’m afraid…”
CheerMynx Posted January 14, 2009 Report Posted January 14, 2009 A loud crash interrupted the Almost Dragon's brooding with a start, before a small army of Kitten Minions swarmed into the room. The majority of them settled for exploring the feline quarters or settling themselves in comfortable sports, but some chose instead to inspect the cat-attracting suit worn by Wyvern. Forgetting his earlier promise, Wyvern began to flail in an attempt to get the Minions off him, before he was distracted from his struggles by that ever familiar voice. "Wyvie?" the Almost Dragon looked up to see CheerMynx standing with her head tilted in the doorway, dressed in her trademark (and ever skimpy) cheer outfit. "CheerMynx!" Wyvern fought his impulse to tacklehug the cheerline and instead opted for as indifferent a stance as he could manage. "How's the celebrity lifessstyle treating you?" CheerMynx made an angry noise and tossed her hair impatiently. "Like, the shoot was a total bust." "Bussst?" Wyvern blinked, his eyes instinctively lowering their gaze. Perhaps luckily for him, CheerMynx didn't notice, and instead began to pace in frustration "Yeah. It, like, wasn't a film. They were like totally trying to make some, like, low-budget 'nature' doco." "Uhhh...when you sssay low-budget and nature..." Wyvern tried to think of a tactful way to ask about the morality of the film, before he noticed the cheerline's expression and opted instead for silence. "So I've like totally fired my agent and I've kind of like got a new one but obviously I don't know if they're any good yet but I've told them I am like, never doing anything without seeing a script first." The cheerline paused in her rant and smiled endearingly at Wyvern. "Like, except for the Report, of course."
Wyvern Posted January 14, 2009 Author Report Posted January 14, 2009 Wyvern's stern expression almost melted at CheerMynx's extra-sweet words and smile, but a couple of stray kitten minions intent on attaching themselves to the cuffs of the lizard's vest stopped him from grinning and wiped the warmth from his face. The reptilian Elder grunted and shook his arm in the hopes of getting the kittens off, receiving only a snout-full of rear paw in the process. He reached for a tail to de-fur one of the kitten invaders, only to stop as he remembered his "5% Less Cruelty" vow for the episode with a grumble. Wyvern sighed and let the cats swarm over him, turning to CheerMynx with a glummer expression than he'd been planning on using. "Ssssorry to hear that about the uhhh, the 'nature' shoot CheerMynxy." Wyvern cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest, folding his wings in an effort to get serious and not let his roBUST imagination run away with itself. "Lisssten, CheerMynx, about the lassst few Reports and your recent rissse in celebrity ssstatus..." Wyvern drooped his head and began pacing back and forth around Katzaniel's mattress, CheerMynx following him, her curiousity written in the position of her tail. Wyvern hissed and continued. "Well, you see, I've come to understand that thingsss have changed on the Report. unfortunately. And with all the new found successss, something is bound to give." CheerMynx's tail drooped a bit at the tone of Wyvern's voice, and he halted in his tracks. "I... ultimately, I think this is better for the both of us." Wyvern pulls out a pink slip from his pocket and, after tugging it away from a playful, hands it to CheerMynx with a yank. "I hope a celebrity like you will consssider it reasonable." CheerMynx lifted the pink slip in her paw, and glanced at the messy handwriting on it. The slip read: --- Almost Intern Fashion Fund --> Officially Raised to 15% Almost Intern Recreational Bonus Fund --> 5%, to be spent any way the cheerline desires. --- "I chossse pink cus it's your favorite color, right? Uhm, keep in mind that that extra 5% fund can be ssspent on fashion as well y'know." Wyvern pointed at the clause with a claw whilst hissing "hint hint" under his breath. "Anyway, I know it's no major ssstudio budget or anything, but I'm guessing it'll keep your agent happy for a while or something." Wyvern grins broadly at the sparkly look that flashes through CheerMynx's eyes, then clears his throat and pulls out a small notepad labeled "Urgent Blackmailing List" along with a quill. "Errr, ssspeaking of your agent, could I get his name by any chance?" Wyvern sets the quill to the page with a devious sneer. "I'd jussst love to meet the guy."
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