cryptomancer Posted November 25, 2008 Report Posted November 25, 2008 Once again I become that being of shade, The deep darkness I hide so well, Seeping ever outward through this dimming shell. Lost in black like stars it shall hide, Naught can now save my light, Nothing left of me but these deepening wings of night. Sealed away again, in solitude I hide Clouds cover my heart once more, The tales of my pain and my broken walls explore. Where will my darkness find me tomorrow? Will there be any left of me? What will my love now think, what will her heart see? ……… Where did I go? It seemed so subtle, but I am shifted Stepped sideways from all, Awake, yet in a dream I am stalled. Shadowed mist and visions of lucid thought, My heart now cloud, Dark my thoughts within and out, No longer is my heart adored. Soul seeping thinly through, These gossamer latticed threads, Waking seems to me a dream, So I lie in dark instead. ……… I walk this path alone my friend, Step within its dreamless nights, Shy from the shattering dawn away, No bed shall rest my back. The day shall slowly wane my friend, The moonlight waxed and pure, Shall seep upon my bloodless face, And evermore shall I endure. ……… Dance wings upon the threads of clouds, Tread the leaves of the evergreen land, Walk the skies and fly the stars, Dance moonlight on your hand. ……… I think today I walked away, I can see my soul standing near, Soft blueish glow, Faded jeans the colour clear. No soft hues now fade my form, I step clear of the shackles of dust, My twilight is dawning now, My shadow grows, no longer lost. I carved the rune of mortal man Lengthways upon my wrist, Ingus, single line, traced in red, My world to decays to mist. ……… (Thank you to my sister for the image that inspired this one) Tears of liquid water flow, Tracing the map of fear and pain, No solace in the mortal world, Unsheltered from the falling rain Soft tears flow, again the pain, Ever melting the flesh to bone, Weeping the eyes of reddening white, Empty echoes of an endless plight. Nails cut the flesh away, Eyes fall to the palm, Darkness within wet hands seep, Red tears empty eyes now weep. ……… (edit to add a 't'.... thanks Harmony)
Harmonious_Echos Posted November 26, 2008 Report Posted November 26, 2008 Hmmmmmm....makes me want to curl up and sigh contenedly and write heaps of depressing poems too...those are very good, Ryan. I did spot a few things that might be mistakes-- "Shadowed mist and visions of lucid though,"---what did you mean? Was it "Shadowed mist and visions, lucid though"? Or was it supposed to be "Shadowed mist and visions of licid thought"? Also, (not to nit-pick), but this verse doesn't make much sense when you use the descriptives 'wane' and 'waxed' with 'seeped' "The day shall slowly wane my friend, The moonlight waxed and pure, Shall seep upon my bloodless face, " To 'wane' is to end, which works for day ending, night beginning. Then there comes a "waxed" moon...but the light only "seeps" on your face? "waxed" means full, or bright, while a "seeping" light implies only a tiny bit of light, or a narrow beam. When you use those two together, the affect is that it makes me try too hard to think about what you mean in the phrasing, and then I lose the flow (and the general beauty) of the poem. Otherwise, great job... *tacklehugs* oh, and please don't be too depressed...we still want you around!
cryptomancer Posted November 27, 2008 Author Report Posted November 27, 2008 sorry ... missed the 't' i go fix.. the wane waxed seep thing was the intent.... as you picked... day ending, moonlight bright and full but i am so hidden in darkness that even the moonlight only manages to seep upon my face, the original vision was a shallow grave with a bright fulll moon gently seeping light through to touch the dead skin below the dirt. sorry.... lost it... nevermind... thanks for the critique, always appreciated..
Harmonious_Echos Posted November 28, 2008 Report Posted November 28, 2008 No problem... Hey, now that you explain the grave thing, it does make sense. I was just over-thinking it...as usual...lol! *hugs* happy thanksgiving BTW!
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