An Unexpected Barbecue

[smallscale_mind_games]

OOC: Hey, kids! It was suggested that I start a Conservatory thread, and I decided to do so and in the process rid myself of my weenie award. If I remember correctly, I roleplay in a slightly different fashion from most here (I could be wrong, though). I am a turn-taker. I play only my characters, and I prefer if my characters' reactions are not written by others. However, aside from this, it's totally freeform and I have no plot in mind, so grab a character and have a blast!

I don't know if anyone remembers the two characters from a short story I wrote to gain initiate status, but I've decided to bring them back for this little game. Having not been around since '03, they haven't aged at all!

---

 

Mordekai was immediately suspicious when Cole came home from work with a bag of groceries. The trouble was that his twin wasn't late. He hadn't had time to go to any sort of store at all, and yet here he was, with three white plastic bags full of...stuff. Vaguely discernible were a couple of two-liter soda bottles, a big bag of potato chips, and a large assortment of something pinkish.

 

"Cole?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"What is...that?"

 

Cole lifted the bag, hefting it with a careless smile. "This? Weenies."

 

Mordekai's eyebrows disappeared into the shaggy fringe of his dark hair. In addition to the unexpectedness of the bag of weenies, Mordekai preferred food in which he could see all the ingredients, and thus he found that hot dogs offended his sensibilities slightly. "And where did you get these...weenies," he inquired, a horrid thought rising in his mind: if they'd come from the break-room fridge, who knew how old they were?!

 

"Oh, some girl." Cole shrugged one shoulder, still entirely unconcerned. "I met her on the bus. Said she had all these weenies, and nothing to do with them, would I like to have them."

 

Mordekai's eyebrows buried themselves in his hairline, perhaps never to return. "And you said yes."

 

"Naturally. Free weenies!"

 

"What will you do with them?"

 

Only then did a note of caution enter into Cole's bearing. He kept his expression carefully neutral, a vague smirk playing around his lips. He looked entirely untroubled, but his fingers clenched around the handles of the plastic bags, betraying his tension. "I was thinking we might have a little get-together. Get to know some people in the neighborhood, you know?" He held his breath, waiting for the response as Mordekai stared at him.

 

"A--a get-together?" Mordekai licked dry lips. Cole nodded.

 

"Right. We have plenty of room right here in the front yard." He paused, thoughtful. "If we cut down the horse topiary, anyway. Just a little outdoor celebration for the end of summer, no big deal. A barbecue."

 

"Who would we invite? We don't know anyone."

 

"And whose fault is that, mister anti-social? I was thinking the people on our street. Oh, and maybe the bigwigs at that...fortressy thing on top of the hill."

 

"I think it's a guild, Cole. You said a little get together."

 

"Okay, a medium-sized one. And they're writers, creative types. Your kind of people! Come on, Mor', pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?" Cole's eyes were wide and soft, threatening tears. "I'd have so much fun!"

 

Mordekai cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Fine. When is this barbecue?"

 

"Tomorrow night."

 

"Tomorrow night?!"

 

"Weenies don't last forever, you know."

***

 

And so, invitations were sent to the neighbors, separate for each household. The Mighty Pen, however, received one mass invitation--something Mordekai would have never approved, had he been in charge. Which is probably why he was not.

 

The brothers bought decorations, Mordekai arguing for class and subtlety, Cole for a luau theme with coconut-shaped cups. A compromise was reached in the end, with Cole sacrificing grass tableskirts for the privelege of his coconut cups, and giving in to his brother's desire for paper lanterns to be strung up from tree to tree.

 

Finally, the September evening fell, warm and clear. Stars twinkled in the purple twilight sky, and the paper lanterns glowed softly, casting a warm light over the pina-colada-inspired punch, and of course, the weenies. It was a truly glorious array, every kind of weenie one could imagine. Cocktail weenies, polish sausage, kielbasa, all-beef franks, vegetarian corn dogs...it went on and on and on, a fabulous spread, all weenie-themed.

 

Under the lights, Cole already sipping a plastic coconut of punch, the twins waited for the guests to arrive.

[The Death of Rats]

It became quickly apparent to the twins that the fireball hurtling through the sky was not, in fact, a shooting star, after it impacted with their backyard, neatly missing all the party decor, and raising an impressively tall plume of dirt.

 

This conclusion was readily reached once they could observe the thing up close, for two reasons; the first of which was that meteorites are not shaped very much like the letter 'U' (not to mention do not seem whitish in color under all of their char), and the second of which that meteorites, of the wishing upon variety, or otherwise, are not known to carry passengers, and most especially not passengers who briskly dismount their transport, give their black cloaks a quick, fastidious brushing, take a up a very small scythe sized to fit their own small stature, then greet two unassuming backyard barbequers with a little wave of their free paw, and a hollow yet somehow convivial, "SQUEAK."

[Sir Walnut]

Walnut sat straight up in his chair, pricking his finger as he loses focus on his tailoring. A strange meaty scent wafted through the air. What was this strange scent? Normally his keen sense of smell would pick out what it was, but this scent was beyond his ability to comprehend. He place his tailoring aside, promising to finish the new suit tomorrow, and grabbed his favorite top hat. He headed following his nose as he wandered out of his room, eyes closed as he ambles past armies of dust bunnies. Quicker than he even thought possible he exited through the main gates of the keep.

 

Walnut proceeded until he came upon what must be a fairy camp, light with strange hanging lights. He gazed upon a table layered with what appeared to be various types of sausage, more than he could have ever imagined possible. His mouth watered and he immediately grabbed a plate and through on as many kinds of meat as he could. He almost started to eat when two young men caught his eye and so did a small creature he had meet before. The Death of Rats! Now, who had set this up so he may be a gentleman...

 

Walnut walked towards the three and cleared his throat.

[GLJordan]

A wolf, a hawk and a ferret showed up and started to look hungrily at the meat. Before you can react to them your attention is drawn to an emerald clad swashbuckler quickly heading towards you. "Hello I am Giles "GL" Jordan. Please excuse my brothers but the smell of the meat drew them here. I hope they didn't startle you"

[Wyvern]

Wyvern adjusted the giant white "(Patron Saint of) Party Crasher" bib wrapped around his neck as he paced through the grill area of Cole and Mordekai's barbecue. The reptilian Elder wasted no time on idle chatter, ignoring the hosts and various Pen guests in order to focus on the weenies at hand. He made sure that his bib was triple-knotted in the back, then attached an empty wooden crate to his Almost Dragonic Brand Backwards Glue-on Belt™ and began loading it with weenies of all shapes and sizes. The overgrown lizard licked his lips as he chewed on several flavorful meats at once, easily managing to dump several dozen weenies into his crate at a time whilst nibbling on half a dozen more in the process. Wyvern paused as he finally reached the area where Cole, Mordekai and the others had gathered in his quest for snacks. Half of the food of the Barbecue had already disappeared under his claw, and the lizard didn't seem to be showing any signs of slowing down.

 

"Hiya *snarf, gobble, gulp* folksss." Wyvern pinned a couple of weenies onto his horns and raised a claw in greeting. "It'sss... Mole and Gordicky right? Nice lil' barbecue you got here, thanksss for the invite. Here, I brought ya this as a lil' token of good will."

 

Wyvern grinned and held up a small black bottle, which was messily labeled "Almost Dragonic Brand W13 Mince Meat Sauce." The overgrown lizard tapped a claw on a lock with a coin slot attached to the top of the bottle, then set it on the central table with a snicker.

 

"Jussst insert 5 geld per squirt. And careful, that stuff's strong..." Wyvern glanced at the bottle as if expecting it to come to life and wreak havoc, then hissed a long sigh of relief. "Now, if you gentlemen will excussse me, I'm off to get some fooooooood!"

[Degorram]

Degorram leaned over the platter of weenies and sniffed them suspiciously. Kikuyu peered over her shoulder with an eyebrow arched. "Are they edible?" she asked her twin. Degorram picked one up, smashed it between a bun, slathered it with ketchup and mustard, and stuffed it in her mouth unceremoniously. After a few moments of poised chewing and polite dabbing at her messed-up mouth with a napkin, she swallowed. "I pronounce these weenies to be edible."

 

"Good." Kikuyu said, grabbing a plate.

 

Degorram scrubbed at her mouth quickly, removing residue sauce before she was seen by anyone she cared about. This was why she didn't eat in front of people usually. The animal instincts hoarded inside her were too much, and no matter how she tried she always managed to get something on her face.

 

She picked up another few weenies, a plate of chips, a good handful of cookies, some deviled eggs, a plate of fruit....she decided to stop and just go back for seconds later. People were staring. Finding a nice patch of grass on the outskirts of the group, she sat down to feast and observe the crowd. Wyvern was attacking the food table with just about as much enthusiasm as she had been previously. The hosts were chatting with a few guests, one looking excited, the other looking rather bored, panic hovering behind his calm.

[Ran Yoko]

Sora fixed two weenies with mustard and ketchup, got a tall mug of root beer (there is some here, right? ), found some chips, potato salad, a couple other picnic food items, and looked around for a place to sit. She sighed, and used a passing gust of wind to seat herself on a branch of a tree, she guessed an oak.

As she ate, she felt slightly sorry that she hadn't brought her pets, but she didn't want them bothering anyone. Plus the fact that she wasn't sure how the people throwing this bash felt about talking animals. Still, maybe they'd let her take some weenies home in a doggie bag. As soon as she was done, she'd ask them. In the meantime, she'd just enjoy the great tasting food. She licked mustard off her finger. Yum.

[Ozymandias]

Arriving on foot, robes swirling dramatically as is his custom, Ozymandias cordially greeted his hosts, introducing himself, as well as any denizens of the keep who had forgotten themsleves in the face of the magnificent spread (or who simply could not be understood by those best versed in human spech), and thankrf the brothers warmly for so grand a feast before proceeding to help himself to kielbasa and sauerkraut in open astonishment and pleasure.

 

 

"How, my good men, is it that you got your hands on hot dogs and sausages? Let alone so many!

 

The last I saw any such thing was in twenty-first century Earth, when I visited briefly a year ago, and I've never seen hot dogs here at all! If it's not prying, how did you manage it??"

 

 

He finally paused his inquiries long enough to take a hearty bite of the sausage on a potato bun, and closed his eyes and smiled in culinary bliss.

[The Death of Rats]

Meanwhile, the Grim Squeaker seemed to be busy guiding the tofu dogs out of this mortal coil.

 

As the small scythe flashed again and again from it's wielder's perch atop the carefully stacked non-weenies, the magi and other magical types glanced over occasionally with interest; who knew tofu had an afterlife?

 

Free food, as always, though, was much more engaging.

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

There was a wry, fanged grin from the shadowed branches above the hosts' heads. Ozymandias looked up, a smile stretching his bronzed cheeks. "Oh, hello Kikuyu!"

 

Kikuyu was hanging upside-down from a rope attached to a sturdy branch, staring at them with a curving grin, twirling a kuunai with a hot dog pierced upon it. "Hello Ozy! And who are our hosts? I don't think we've been introduced."

 

Kikuyu hopped down from her perch and landed in a crouch, munching on her weenie. "My name's Kikuyu," she stated to the twins, "but you've already heard that. Thither sitting on her turf is my twin, Dego. Have you been introduced? No? Maybe? Anyway."

 

Ozymandias glanced at the ninja, blinking at her unusual lack of fluidity. He noticed a strange shaking of her shoulders. "Kiku, what have you been into?"

 

Kikuyu turned and glanced at the Elder. "The punch of course, Ozy! You really should try it! It has an unusual zing I've never tasted. And these weenies really are quite good."

 

Kikuyu took a step towards Ozy and stopped. The Elder gripped her arm. "Maybe you should sit down, Kiku."

 

Kikuyu stared at the ground, her face contorting into a strange grimace. Something flashed in front of her eyes, something niggled at her brain: a green explosion, a smiling skull face. She shook it away and took a step backwards again. "No, Ozy, I'm all right, really. And I'm not drunk," she turned to the twin brothers, a small frown on her face. "I'm just...tired. Lovely party. The weenies are really very good. We should...converse some time."

 

Kikuyu turned and walked away as quickly as she dared without looking too hasty. She plunked down next to Degorram, her small frown spreading into a dark scowl that could have been carved with the tip of her ninja star. Her twin glanced at her, read her face, and gripped her twin's hand tightly. Slowly the shaking in Kikuyu's shoulders stilled.

Edited September 12, 2008 by Kikuyu Black Paws

[Ozymandias]

Kikuyu's eyes were not the only ones to catch Ozymandias' seemingly jovial twirling of his fingers as he continued conversations (and eating), but only her training translated that movement as being very, very precise.

 

Before she had time to wonder what purpose the Loremaster had in mind, however, a shadow sat up ramrod straight next to her, peeling away from the ground. It made no sudden movements, so she did not respond with violence, and was soon glad she did not, as, after turning its featureless head to face her, it began folding its two-dimensional fingers at her in strange, but fluid sign language.

 

The Ozymandias commands that I stay with you, and do as you command, was all it said, before laying its arms back down to its sides, and lying back across the grass.

[Degorram]

Degorram stared at the black creature, fascination appearing in her face. "I know you," she said softly. "You're...."

 

But before she could list the name of the creature, the music started and her eyes were drawn to the yard where a few people were beginning to play some sort of game. Degorram sighed wistfully and stuffed a cookie in her mouth, not even caring about the chocolate that stuck to her cheeks. It all reminded her of last Halloween....

[GLJordan]

Giles and his animals brothers sat off by themselves enjoying their plates.

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

Kikuyu twitched as the music played and kept the shadowed figure in the corner of her eye. She read Degorram's chocolate smeared face with a half-smile. "Reminiscent, isn't it?"

 

Degorram grinned back. "But without the face paint."

 

"I wonder if I should ask Wyv to dance?" the ninja snorted.

 

"Didn't he dump you in water last time?" Degorram joked.

 

"You too, twin of mine, don't forget, you too," Kikuyu growled. "But awkward events equal laughter."

 

"And we could all use a laugh," the shifter sighed.

 

Kikuyu glanced again at the shadowed creature at her side, felt peace flow through her troubled thoughts. But, while peaceful, they were cold. "Indeed," she muttered. "Indeed."

[The Death of Rats]

Degorram felt a repetitive prodding in her soul. It didn't hurt, but it was very like being lightly poked over and over with a pencil, but in the core of being, instead of the flesh.

 

Looking around rapidly, she soon discovered the source of the irritation. The rat skeleton clad in a black, hooded robe, was standing at her heel, prodding her over and over in the soul with the tip of a tiny claw, as if in rapt fascination with the result of each poke..

 

She glared down at it, and turning upwards in response, an eyeless, lipless face contrived admirably to look sheepish.

[Quincunx]

On the other side of the barbecue, Minta lay on her tummy in the middle of a pair of transplanted tinkering projects, propped up on her elbows and peering through a spyglass at the Death of Rats. "Silly skellie," she said, glancing away from the spyglass at the project on her left, "couldn't he wait 'til I got my autopoker workin'?" The gnomie frowned at the scattered cam-and-shaft assemblies, the cracked casings, and various power sources far too large to fit into those casings. "Would be lots quicker to make if I could get one of those repeato-shivs. . ."

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

Kikuyu shivered again as the rat's aura wafted her way. She wrinkled her nose and sniffed. "Is that...chocolate I smell on the horizon?"

 

Her eyes turned this way and that, searching for the illusive dainty, her nose twitching. "You can't hide from me," she hissed. "Ninja's can smell chocolate a mile away!!!" She pulled out her kuunai and rushed to the food table, ready for chocolate-attack-mode. Ozy's shadow followed at a more stately pace.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern's claw falls upon the chocolate tray at the same time as Kikuyu's kunai, with the blade narrowly missing the lizard's scales and piercing through the chocolate weenie that he was aiming for. Wyvern gulps and turns his head to face Kikuyu, gibbering a bit as he realizes that the last social occasion he'd attended with the ninja ended with him causing more than a few awkward situations. He tucks his wings behind his back a bit to mimic a semi-formal demeanor, then stares at the ground for a moment and clears his throat of a few ashes.

 

"Uhh, h-hiya Kikuyu, niccce to see you made it to the party." Wyvern reaches for a chocolate frankfurter only to once again be trumped by Kikuyu's kunai, then goes for a chocolate hotlink with the same results. "Lissssten, I jussst wanna apologize to you and Dego for my behavior at that last party thing, the two of ya dessserve better. Can I make it up to you I <3 Wyvern Fans at this BBQ? No danccccing or groping ssstrategies or nothin', I jussst thought maybe the three of us could participate in that game goin' on over there together."

 

Wyvern cocks a claw back at the circle of barbeque guests seated in the yard, unaware that the game being played in question was "Spin the Bruteweiser Bottle."

 

"Can I interessst ya in one of thessse weenies by the way?" Wyvern reaches into the wooden crate hanging from his belt and pulls a clawful of sausages. He waves them in front of Kikuyu's face and tries to snatch a chocolate hot dog from the table as he does so, but once again fails to match the speed of Kikuyu's kunai. "Errr, I don't ssss'pose you might be able to ssspare a bit of chocolate for the starving Almost Dragons o the world?"

[Degorram]

Degorram reached down and grabbed the rat skeleton by its sternum, bringing about a series of squeaks and bone clatters. "Don't touch my soul," she growled. "It' been prodded enough these past weeks." Angry though she was, however, she put the small creature down gently, flicking its tail bones to encourage its departure.

 

Kikuyu had moved off. Degorram stood and walked over to join her sister, who seemed to be enjoying herself. She and Wyvern were squaring off over the chocolates, Kikuyu winning and looking very entertained. Wyvern seemed desperate to avoid any conflict.

 

The almost dragon looked up as Dego arrived and began working very hard to mask his chuckles. "Hu-ssssso that'sssss -*snort* - where all the chocolatesssss went...." he said with a wink.

 

Dego frowned for a moment, then immidiately understood. With a small grunt of embarassment she cast a thick shadow over her body, which then burst into flames. Wyvern took a step or two back, looking extremely nervous. To the side, Kikuyu was sating her hunger for chocolates.

 

The fire smoked itself out and Dego reemerged, chocolate free. Her cheeks were red from embarassment (or was it the flames?). "Hey Wyvern," she said, as if nothing had happened. "What game do you want to play?"

 

"Oh. Oh!" Wyvern exclaimed. "That one over there. Lookssss intersting." He pointed again for Dego's benefit to the small circle of guests.

 

Dego peered over at them and shrugged. It looked harmless enough. "Sure thing. I like games." She turned to Kikuyu, who had finished her chocolate holocaust. "You coming?"

 

"Of course," Kikuyu said, smiling.

 

The twins each grabbed one of Wyvern's arms and marched over to the circle, plopping themselves down next to each other. Wyvern grinned nervously as the leader of the circle began to explain the game's rules.

 

"We go around the circle and everyone spins the Bruteweiser Bottle once. You have to obey the choice, no matter who the bottle lands on. Well, of course, within reason."

 

Degorram stared at the bottle in the center and once again felt herself getting hot. This wasn't the kind of game she had expected. Not at all.

 

It got worse when the leader of the game handed Wyvern the bottle first, despite his many stuttered protests. And it got worse and worse as the bottle slowly spun to a halt....

[The Death of Rats]

Meanwhile, the Death of Rats walked off in a tiny huff toward Minta and her projects. The young gnome seemed an unending font patience (it'd tried to rile her many times, but to no avail), and for a mortal, she was always full of interesting surprises in matters of how to process passing away.

 

Besides, nothing bad ever happened around her.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern lifted one of the claws from his eyes and finally decided to peep at where the head of the bottle had landed. The overgrown lizard jittered nervously as he considered what Dego and Kikuyu might be thinking, though a hint of excitement found its way into his thoughts as he contemplated who the empty Bruteweiser head had landed on and what that might lead to. Would it be Kikuyu? Degorram? The tipsy-looking elf gal (less exciting)? The macho sweating half-elf guy (much less exciting)? The goblin that was licking hot dog grease from his hands (much, much less exciting)? Wyvern took a deep breath and gritted his teeth as he stared at where the bottle had landed, only to pause and go slightly blank as he found the bottle facing himself.

 

"Hrmph... uhh, well, I guessss that's sorta easy."

 

Wyvern licked his lips and dug beneath the wooden crate on his belt, pulling out an Almost Dragonic Brand Severed Zombie Hand Mirror™. He lifted the hand clutching the mirror until he got a clear view of his face, then stared into his own eyes and shuffled through his pockets for a breath mint with no luck. Wyvern glanced at Kikuyu and Degorram briefly with a slight blush, then took a deep breath and leaned into the mirror. He gave his reflection a tiny peck of a kiss, then stared at his reflection again and began kissing it sloppily and essentially making out with the mirror. He carried on in this manner for a long moment, much to Kikuyu and Degorram's bewilderment, only to finally break off from kissing the reflection when a green centipede living in the zombie hand crawled onto the mirror's surface.

 

"PLEGGH! Pleh, pleh! UGH! Ugh, you're an awful kisser!" Wyvern turned his snout away with an aggravated snort and tucked the zombie hand mirror back into his belt, only to pause as he suddenly remembered where he was. The overgrown lizard raised a claw to one of his horns with a nervous laugh, then signaled to Kikuyu and Dego. "Well uhhhh, that wasss fun. Lisssten, I think we're gonna be leaving..."

 

"Outta the question." The macho elf ring-leader sneered. "No leaving the circle until the bottle has been spun by everyone once!"

 

Wyvern gulped and went beady-eyed, sloooowwwwly passing the bottle to Degorram on his left...

[Degorram]

Degorram took the bottle and looked at it for a long time, twitching visibly. Slowly she put it on the ground, and, closing her eyes, gave it a hefty turn.

 

It rotated once or twice before it began to slow down and finally inch to a stop.

 

And of course. It landed in front of Wyvern.

 

Wyvern laughed nervously, a slightly hysteric high-pitched giggle. "W-well, I guesssss I'm pretty p-popular tonight..."

 

Degorram turned her head stiffly and stared at Wyvern, feeling her own cheeks flare. Might as well get it over with... she thought hotly. Leaning over she kissed Wyvern on the cheek as quickly as she could and then turned away, face crimson, eyes closed.

 

She would answer no questions. She was too afraid that talking would disrupt the extremely difficult job of trying not to smile.

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

Kikuyu shrugged, covering her mouth with a hand to hide her wide grin. "My turn then?" she giggle-snorted. She reached forward boldly and spun the battle with a sharp jerk of her wrist, not even thinking about the consequences.

 

The bottle turned slower and slower, inching towards the lucky winner. Kikuyu watched it, twirling a kuunai anxiously between her fingers. On her left a smaller, elfish player shifter nervously away from her.

 

The bottle stopped and Kikuyu froze, glancing up at her kissee.

 

"Not...you!"

 

Degorram hadn't yet finished blushing. She stared down at the bottle tip pointed her way and glanced up at Kikuyu, murder in her eyes.

 

"Pucker up, hot stuff," Kikuyu grinned, beckoning with a sultry curling finger.

[Quincunx]

By now, the Grim Squeaker didn't dare move, in fear of collapsing the short, but still rat-skellie-sized, towers of discarded springs and cams looming on either side of him. Minta lay stretched out in front of him, one eye shut and one squinting, as she twiddled a feather inside the hollowed center of a minuscule bolt. A delicate clockwork sheath cantilevered out from the joint and over the Grim Squeaker's scythe blade. As temporary placement corks dropped like mushroom spores, Minta scooted a scrap of zombie skin under the assembly to catch them.

 

"Okok!" she squeaked, once corks, feather, and stacks had been swept pell-mell back into her toolbox. "I think that's gonna do it. Is a spring hinge nownow so when you're sweepin' sideways an' you move the lever it'll unlock so the scythepoint goes poke an' then flexes back an' pokes again. There's a secondary poker on the back of the scythe blade but can crank that back in if it messes up the balance or take it off if you pop the cotter pins out." She wriggled backward so as not to upset the project still laid out on her right side, looking over her shoulder to be sure she didn't shimmy onto the antenna--

 

"EWWWWWW!" Minta cried upon seeing the game. "COOTIES!"

[The Death of Rats]

The Death of Rats grinned.