whynotsin Posted June 18, 2008 Report Posted June 18, 2008 (edited) A Return From. I’ve been walking for some time now, Exploring that void that cold empty place. I… Find that discovery is oft made, Alone in your own cave. Watching shadow puppets play. That we push out and scream no more, When we realize it’s all a sham. Just some lie shoved down our throats. And maybe this isn’t a poem so much as a confession. Of my errant sinning, Of my blatant disregard. Of structures put in place long before I graced this stage. No, no I’ve stood up and have asserted my place. There is confrontation and a hard line drawn. No arrogance or deception envy or hate. This is the drum roll, A cadence sung by, A fastidious multitude of revolutionary anarchist. The line is drawn freedom or death. Freedom of the grave? Either way either way we’re F@#ked. Years thus have passed. With me lost in thought Passively watching my brothers get beaten dragged jailed and forgot. Standing on the shore as America drowns in oil and blood. I’m at a lost as to what to do. Seems bleak I know. But something must be done. Perhaps I should put down the pen and pick up the sword. Edited June 18, 2008 by whynotsin
Wyvern Posted July 8, 2008 Report Posted July 8, 2008 Nice poem, whynotsin. :-) The bleak picture you paint of the world is an interesting (and in some cases, true) one, and I like the abstract manner that you depict the various evils and injustices that people face. My favorite part of the poem was probably lines 3-8, as the image of the shadow puppets in the cave was well done and I also found the phrasing of those lines very interesting. One thing I should note is that I think I liked the lines of the poem addressed to a second person or a universal "we" more than the lines focussing on the first person, as I felt there were points where the "my"s and "I"s felt a little overbearing. Also, while the ending of the poem was promising, the last line sorta felt like the beginning of a new stanza to me and you might consider exploring that part of the poem more should you revise it. Anyway, thanks for sharing this here whynotsin. And a belated "welcome back" to you, it's nice to see you around. :-)
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