Patrick Posted June 9, 2008 Report Posted June 9, 2008 This one felt pretty weird while I wrote it, and I'm not really sure about the artistic merit in it...but hell, I need to get back to posting ways. When you don't have inspiration Just write When you feel nothing is right Don't run When you just want to hide Face your fears When you look at me It makes my day.
Wyvern Posted June 30, 2008 Report Posted June 30, 2008 I really like the flow of the first four lines of this poem, Patrick. :-) The way you rhyme "write" with "right" and then mimic the form of the second line in the fourth line was very well done in my opinion... those lines have a certain momentum that jumps out to me every time I revisit it. As a minor suggestion: I wonder if changing "Face your fears" in the sixth line to "Face fear" might add to the rhythm of the stanza without changing the meaning of the line? Nicely done, thanks for sharing this here Patrick.
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted June 30, 2008 Report Posted June 30, 2008 Hmmmmm....*dreamy stare* It soothes...
Recommended Posts