Court of the Esteemed Lord Amnex

[Degorram]

This story is in remembrance to all the good times I had with my dearest friends at school. The characters are based off of how we actually act around each other (with a little drama added, but all the violence and fawning is real). They are as follows: Minion 1 being myself, Minion 2 being Kikuyu, Lord Amnex being my friend Alex, the Esteemed and Revered Lady Librarian being my friend Kate, and the Lady Laura being my friend Laura. Honestly it would be even more hilarious than it is if you knew us as we are and saw us interact. But it's a good story without, so have at it. I expect this to be a saga, as I will be remembering a lot. They are all leaving me this year....

 

*A note before I begin* The name Amnex is copyright of Alex Couch.

 

*A second note before I begin* To Wyvern, who will probably read this: this is what a true minion looks like. Tremble and be thankful that I've already been fully indoctrinated as a minion to someone else.

 

 

Minion 1 crouched at the base of the throne, staring at the shiny black boots that belonged to her master. She wanted to seize one of the boots and run away with it, making the overlord chase her to retrieve it, but knew that the action would only earn her a hearty smack. The back of her head was still tingling from the last rebuke (which had been enacted upon her skull only moments before for touching the overlord’s hair).

 

At the thought of the hair she raised her eyes to stare in awe at the cascading brown locks that were pulled back behind his ears. Her lips twitched into a smile as she remembered how much fun it was to touch…

 

Noticing her gaze, the overlord looked down and made a threatening motion with his hand. Minion 1 smiled sweetly and looked back down at his boots.

 

“The Court has begun,” the overlord’s scribe said loudly, and the Minotaur guards that lined the great hall in which the overlord took residence banged their spears against the floor.

 

“Let’s get this over with,” the overlord sighed, leaning his head on one arm and yawning.

 

“Are you bored, Alex-chan?” Minion 1 asked.

 

“I told you not to call me that in court,” the overlord growled, glaring down at her.

 

Minion 1 smiled. “But it is the title of my affection,” she said, turning to place her hands on the arm of his throne and peek over its edge.

 

The overlord raised an eyebrow and turned back to the peasants who had begun to line up in front of him.

 

Cowering and hunched, the first peasant crept up to stand several feet away from the overlord. “The well in the south village has begun to dry up,” he said in a quavering voice. “We ask for the tools to dig a new one.”

 

“Granted,” the overlord said with another yawn.

 

The peasant, looking as if he had just escaped death, steadied himself and bowed out of the room.

 

And so the list went on and on. None of it was interesting to Minion 1, so she concerned herself with playing with her bare toes and the bells that adorned her colorful outfit (which she had made herself and the master couldn’t stand because it was completely different from her usual armor-cloth uniform but let her wear on Tuesdays anyway). Only once was her attention attracted by the proceedings:

 

A peasant, apparently irritated about something, marched up to the throne. His demeanor of self confidence was what first caught Minion 1’s eye. This was going to be good.

 

“The taxes of the eastern province have been raised again,” he said gruffly, glaring at the overlord.

 

The overlord’s dark green eyes narrowed and he sat up in his chair. “You have failed to grow enough crops again,” he replied darkly.

 

At the overlord’s tone, the angry peasant seemed to deflate a little. One of the minotaur guards had stepped forward to stand like a great statue next to him. Apparently the thirteen foot bulk of well armed beast took away some of the peasant’s courage.

 

“Our crops are just late this year,” the peasant said. “If you could just give us more time….”

 

The overlord’s face turned stormy and he bristled with anger. “Gramrinn,” he said.

 

The minotaur standing next to the peasant snorted in response, the great gust of breath knocking the peasant’s hat off his head.

 

“Please escort this man outside of the walls. Take him to the coal mines.”

 

“Yes my lord Amnex,” the minotaur said, his deep voice sending another gust of wind over the now terrified peasant. With one arm the soldier heaved the peasant over one shoulder and carried him screaming from the court hall.

 

Minion 1 traced one of the patterns on the mosaic floor and let a spider crawl onto her finger.

 

Lord Amnex sighed and rubbed his face as the last of the peasants left the hall. “Finally,” he groaned.

 

“Does Alex-chan need cheering up?” Minion 1 asked hopefully.

 

“Do you want me to cut your pay again?” Lord Amnex asked.

 

Minion 1 paused in calculation and finally turned to beam up at the overlord. “But you have cut five years of my pay already,” she said joyfully. “I would gladly work for free only to stay at your side.”

 

“That’s just creepy,” Lord Amnex grumbled half heartedly.

 

Minion 1 changed the subject. “May I have a jester’s hat?”

 

“You can’t go into battle with a jester’s hat.”

 

“Well, what if it was made of metal? And the jingly-thingies were daggers?”

 

“You’d kill yourself wearing that. I’m not paying for one.”

 

Minion 1 crouched down and pouted a little. “But why?” she asked softly.

 

The overlord’s eyes grew large and he leaned over the arm of his throne to stare frightfully down at his minion. “Because!!”

 

“But WHY?” Minion 1 wailed back. She loved baiting her master.

 

The overlord glared and beckoned for Minion 1 to come closer. Minion 1 did so and he slapped her on the cheek. But it didn’t even hurt and she danced away the next moment.

 

“Why don’t you do something useful and get me a drink?” the overlord growled.

 

“Would you like some tea? Or milk and cookies? There are some graham crackers in the kitchen…”

 

“I mean alcohol, minion!” the overlord yelled. “Bring me some strong alcohol!”

 

“I’ll go get the Esteemed and Revered Lady Librarian,” Minion 1 said.

 

Lord Amnex slapped a hand over his eyes and sighed. Then he sat up and looked around, frowning. Just before Minion 1 left, he stopped her and spoke. “Where is Minion 2?”

 

Minion 1 paused at the door and for the first time looked antsy about the answer she had to give. “Minion 2 has joined Lady Laura in ‘skipping the country’. She requests that you sign her resignation.” Minion 1 fled for the library before Lord Amnex could respond.

[Wyvern]

Hah! Duly noted about the danger of fully indoctrinated Minions, Degorram. :-) Though then again, the prospect of Minion 2 and Lady Laura resigning to move to a different country seems to strike a more ominous note than any of Minion 1's adorably annoying quibbles, which I'm sure was intentional given the context that the piece was written in. Separating from old friends due to school and college relocations can be a painful process at times, but just remember that you'll always be able to stay in touch with them and will hopefully be able to visit with them on occasion as well. :-) Anyway, moving back to your story, this was an enjoyable read. The interactions between Minion 1 and Lord Amnex definitely struck me as being quirky and comical enough to be true-to-life, and stood out to me for this reason. Though Lord Amnex seemed to be somewhat of a bully at face value, I felt a bond between him and Minion 1 beneath the surface that made me smile. Looking forward to reading any continuations of this saga, thanks for sharing it here Dego. :-)

[Degorram]

You'd like Lord Amnex, Wyvern. He pretends to be a mean and commandeering overlord....but most of the time fails to be any sort of bullying force on anyone.