Snypiuer Posted April 19, 2008 Report Posted April 19, 2008 RULES: 1 - The Grim Squeaker is NOT just going to LET you use him as sporting equipment! 2 - The Grim Squeaker is a POWERFULL being (he's the friking Death of Rats - YOU ever try to kill a rat? Rats FEAR and WORSHIP him!), respect that. 3 - Use The Grim Squeaker as sporting equipment. 4 - 3 events with 3 attempts at each, to be attemptted in any order over any amount of time. 5 - Main goal of each event is to actually, somehow, complete the event - using The Grim Squeaker as a football (AMERICAN). 6 - REREAD RULES 1 & 2! 7 - PUNT: The player will attempt to punt The Grim Squeaker down field where several targets are placed - accuracy is most important in this event. 8 - PASS: Same as PUNT, but throwing The Grim Squeaker. 9 - KICK: The player will attempt to kick The Grim Squeaker through a target down field from the greatest distance away from the target the player is able to. 10 - REREAD RULES 1 & 2!
Snypiuer Posted April 19, 2008 Author Report Posted April 19, 2008 (edited) The crowd goes wild as The Grim Squeaker is brought onto the field. Shakled and held at the ends of four long polls held by four mountain trolls. The Grim Squeakers' scythe is tossed down on the ground a few feet in front of him as the mountain trolls release him and scream, "BACK TO THE SIDELINES!" The mountain trolls make a mad dash to the sidelines, The Grim Squeaker grabs his scythe, anger radiates from him. An announcment comes over the loud speakers: "Pennites, our first contestant. . . SNYPIUER! Snypiuer will be making his first attempt at the PUNT!" Snypiuer takes the field. . . The Grim Squeaker tightens his grip on his scythe. . . Snypiuer slowly, carefully approaches The Grim Squeaker. . . They cautiously circle eachother. . . A high pitched scream of pain rings out! From Snypiuer. The Grim Squeaker had launched himself at Snypiuer, like a hyper-sonic bat out of Hades! Obscenity filled post-it notes, scribbled in crayon, litter the ground and fly through the air as The Grim Squeaker attacks Snypiuer with all the fury of a rabid hedge hog on crack! Screams fill the air (once again, from Snypiuer) as the fight rages across the field. (Actually, it's more of Snypiuer running back and forth screaming, "GET HIM OFF! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE TINIEST AND FLUFFY OF ALL CREATION! GET HIM OFF!" - which leads us to RULE 11: Once a contestant enters the field of play, said contestant MUST complete a MINIMUM of one attempt at one event. With NO assistance. Contestant will NOT be allowed off the field until a MINIMUM of one attempt at one event is COMPLETED. EXCEPTION TO RULE 11: Contestant will be allowed off field IF contestant MUST be CARRIED off. Because of RULE 11, it is strongly advised that a contestant REREAD RULES 1 & 2 BEFORE TAKING THE FIELD!) Somehow, Snypiuer gets in a lucky shot, setting The Grim Squeaker off balance for a brief moment! Taking advantage of this, Snypiuer grabs The Grim Squeaker and makes the most perfect punt ANYONE has ever seen! The crowd goes wild! Cheers fill the air! Banners fly! Snypiuer screams! - as he realizes that The Grim Squeaker is attached to his leg and whaking at him with his scythe! The punt was perfect, but The Grim Squeaker never went anywhere! He latched onto Snypiuers' leg and it was Snypiuers' hat that went sailing down field! Hopping around on one foot and trying to shake The Grim Squeaker off the other, Snypiuer screams, "GET HIM OFF! I MADE AN ATTEMPT! GET HIM OFF!" After an extended conference and much more of Snypiuers' screaming, The Grim Squeaker is pulled off a shredded Snypiuer, who is carried off the field. An annoucement comes over the loud speaker: "Pennites, Snypiuer made a valient attempt, but was unnsuccessfull! This will cost him in the points ranking! OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS. . ." The Grim Squeaker waits mid-field. Edited December 20, 2015 by Snypiuer
Ozymandias Posted April 20, 2008 Report Posted April 20, 2008 Ozymandias charges the field, briefly jabbing his fingers into the air in a twin pair of Vs for victory. His loping stride already flapping his customary blur robes majestically in the breeze, he spies the Grim Squeaker spy him. A dangerous glint flashes in the Death of Rats' right eye socket. Ozymandias accelerates, magus robes now flapping madly like a flag in a windstorm. The crowd cheers enthusiastically. The Grim Squeaker does not move. Ozymandias accelerates again, his sandals begin to blur- his robe now sounding more like and outboard motor than cloth. Few are those who remember that the old man can move so fast. The Grim Squeaker does not move. Ozymandias accelerates again; with a speed that none knew; few are sure how a mortal's limbs are acheiving such a feat. The crowd is screaming wildly now- even the lusty chant of "Oz-y! Oz-y! Oz-y! Oz-y!" can barely be heard. Ozymandias grins ferociously, lips peeling back slightly with the force of the wind in his face. The Grim Squeaker holds position as if daring his attacker to come. Ozymandias does. The details of the Loremaster are barely discernible now, only tan, grey and blue tones mark the separate parts of his appearance now. Sparks fly from the ground when his feet connect. He is on his target in less time than it takes to blink... The Grim Squeaker shoulders his scythe and sidesteps in one fluid motion...then sticks out an ivory foot. The Loremaster is sent ignominiously sailing through the air at terrific speed. A mountain troll on the sidleines has enough time to say, "Hwuh?" before he gets his very first taste of Egyptian jerky. "Hgrmph! ERph!", says Ozymandias, legs protruding from the troll's mouth kicking helplessly. Somewhere along the way, the poor man had even lost a sandal. The medics grimly lead the beast away, one already armed with a plunger. An annoucement comes over the loud speaker: "Pennites, our Loremaster has rallied the charge, and has fallen! Another early point loss!! OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS. . ." The Grim Squeaker waits mid-field, grinning.
Wyvern Posted April 26, 2008 Report Posted April 26, 2008 "... Wyyyyyvvvvveeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnn!" A rousing "booo!" echoes from the surrounding crowds as a set of twin arena gates creak open and a red carpet comes rolling out from them. A loud recorded drum roll begins to play in the background as two lines of troglyodytes bearing trumpets walk out on opposite sides of the carpet, dressed in white band uniforms with Almost Dragonic Inc. insignias. Poorly aimed fireworks begin sailing in all directions through the air as the drum roll gets louder and louder, and a giant Bad Year Blimp advertising Almost Dragonic Brand Weightless Blimp Landing Sacks passes overhead in the sky... The scene of the sports field cuts out as a sports broadcasting mouse and crossbones logo appears on the screen. The visuals cut to a comfy looking broadcasting studio cave with a widescreen TV hanging at the center of a painted rock wall. A muscular mountain troll is seated on an easychair to the left while a scrawny-looking ash imp is seated on a pole-piked rat skull to the right. The imp turns to the cameras with a tiny grin. "Welcome back to Grim Squeak-a-thon Punt n' Pass Sports talk! I'm your host, Eather Wimp, and joining me today is Punt and Pass enthusiast Ugh Varmitsquash with the play by play. Ugh?" "Well Eath, some exciting plays in today's Punt n' Pass so far. Snypiuer's cling kick and Ozymandias' troll mouth dive are a couple that come to mind." Ugh points to the television screen as it begins replaying the plays he's referring to in split screen slow motion. "Now, watch the way that Ozymandias flies into the troll's mouth here. That spin in the air was clearly an attempt at flipping the Grim Squeaker off before ducking for cover in the troll's mouth. It's a good thing us trolls have big intestines, lemme tell you! So Eath, how about this next guy? You think he'll measure up?" "Well Ugh, Wyvern 'The Scaled Suppressor' Almostdragon is looking like he could be a top contender in this years Punt n' Pass. He's almost a dragon, after all. Let's take a look at his promotional video sent to us by Almost Dragonic Inc." Eather and Ugh turn to the television screen as it goes dark. A rip-off of the Rocky theme begins playing in the background as words flash across the screen. STRENGTH The screen flashes an image of Wyvern lifting large sacks of geld, one in each arm. The sacks are in fact filled with stuffed rats. DETERMINATION The screen flashes a training montage of Wyvern stabbing stuffed rats with his tail stinger and tossing stuffed rats across a wide open room. It then shows Wyvern running up a large flight of stairs and losing his breath a little less than halfway to the top, at which point it cuts to a training sequence involving the kicking of wooden rat mannequins. Wyvern doesn't kick any of the mannequins, however, as he seems a bit lost in "thought" as CheerMynx cheerleads him on in the background. CUNNING Wyvern grins and lifts his claws in the video, revealing open mousetraps strapped to the back of each of them. He flexes his claws to show them off, only to yelp and curse as both of them snap shut on him. MOTIVE The screen flashes an image of Wyvern's geld chest. WYVERN "THE SCALED SUPPRESSOR" ALMOSTDRAGON - THE GRIM WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. "Well very promising montage there Eath." Ugh cracks his knuckles and nods to the cameras, then jumps out of his seat and raises a fist. "Now let's go back to the playing field for some LIVE PUNT N' PASS!" The cameras cut back to the scene of the Punt n' Pass playing field, where the recorded drum roll has continued to mount to a deafening volume. The troglyodytes lined adjacent to the carpet raise their trumpets and begin tooting them as loud as they can, signaling Wyvern's grand entrance theme. The overgrown lizard jogs out onto the carpet and waves to the masses with a toothy sneer, dressed in dollar-sign emblazoned boxing shorts and a "Almost Dragonic Brand Man of the Year" ribbon over his scaly chest. Wyvern blows reptilian kisses to the masses and lets out a triumphant laugh before slipping on the rug and falling over on his knee. The overgrown lizard grimaces in pain before curling up into a fetal position on the carpet, cradling his knee and whining loudly for a medic. The cameras focus on this for many manyl minutes before an announcement comes out over the loud speaker: "OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS..."
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