Freya Baggins Posted April 9, 2008 Report Posted April 9, 2008 First one This is so much better when it is sung, but here we go… A Young Woman’s Hope Butterflies on the hilltop, birds flutter through air, as I sit on this hillock, trying not to despair. Butterflies scatter swiftly, birds fly far away, as I stand, sad and silent, in the twilight of May. For you left without saying, goodbye to me, for you left without warning, to sail the sea. You, my dearest beloved, have broken my heart, I hope you are faithful, while we are apart. Now I see you a-coming from over the rise, love in your smile, warmth in your eyes. I know you’ve been faithful, you’ve been true to me, even through your long journey, from over the sea. You pick me up, and swing me around, I thought I had lost you, but now you are found. We soon will be married and go hand in hand, wherever the currents shall cause us to land.
Wyvern Posted April 13, 2008 Report Posted April 13, 2008 Nice poem, Freya. :-) You mention that you think that it's "much better when it is sung," and I could definitely feel the melody of a song while reading through it. The story arch of the poem is very sweet, and I like how you tie in the metaphorical "currents" in the last stanza. One tiny part of the poem where the melody felt a bit off to me was in the second to last stanza, where I thought "I had lost you" might sound smoother as "I'd lost you." Anyway, it'd be awesome to hear this sung to music at some point. :-) Thanks for sharing it, Freya.
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