Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted February 25, 2008 Report Posted February 25, 2008 The tree spread thick its branches wide, As thick as sea snakes in the tide, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, Those memories have all but died. Remember there those wind chimes bright? Delicate in song and gentle in light, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, Your mind will shunt them out of spite. How often sitting among the leaves, We'd spread our fingers to catch the breeze, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, Your home will fade among those trees. Dark the cloud and cold the night, Frail the bones and girth cinched tight, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, This pain will only grow your might. Catch a star that falls and twists, Find mandrake root in deceptive mists, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, Such lullabies with coded lists. Now golden eye and sooted paw, Be not afraid of tooth or claw, Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast, The future there will cut you raw.
Silver WInd Posted February 26, 2008 Report Posted February 26, 2008 I really liked this, some great imagery, and I loved the refrain that was used, in the repition of the line Alas! Alas! Hold them now fast,
Da_Yog Posted February 27, 2008 Report Posted February 27, 2008 I've read this a couple of times and it keeps reminding me of something I just can't seem to place it. The rhyme is quite catchy and the internal slant rhyme of line three works well. Was there a work that you drew inspiration off of while writing this?
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted February 27, 2008 Author Report Posted February 27, 2008 Was there a work that you drew inspiration off of while writing this? Actually it's a reference to the Kikuyu Degorram story and their past. No inspiration from another work...
Ozymandias Posted February 29, 2008 Report Posted February 29, 2008 Ah, now wonder the setting the speaker was pining for sounded so unfamiliar. The mixture of elements in the description of the places(?) is my favorite part. Sea snakes, the tree, the breeze, a cat, mandrake, wind chimes...they fit together in a fascinating unspoken way that leaves them still enticingly incongruous. Must read story now!
reverie Posted March 8, 2008 Report Posted March 8, 2008 Dark the cloud and cold the night, Frail the bones... I like this part, is creative.
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