Silver WInd Posted February 21, 2008 Report Posted February 21, 2008 Soft wonders of the majestic night forever dreaming of the moons sweet light vibrant colors kept hidden beneath shades dancing delicate agility as they flit among the star-fed flowers painted black eyes ever watching the sky so often their beauty misunderstood these gentle nocturne seekers of the light questing to obtain what they are denied sentenced always to live in the shadow cast always out of the suns burning light but living instead beneath the moons glow innocently these nightly visitors bring nightmares upon their soft silent wings.
Wyvern Posted February 24, 2008 Report Posted February 24, 2008 Nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I think that you have a good eye for romantic details when it comes to your natural imagery, and your descriptions of the moths here are nicely done. My favorite part of the poem is definitely the ending, though, as the change in tone with the "nightmares" on the moths' wings is an excellent twist, especially with the delicate description you give to said wings. In terms of possible things to improve, the line "so often their beauty misunderstood" irked me a little for some reason, maybe because of the grammar or maybe because the line feels like a more distant and general observation than the other lines describing the moths. Thanks for sharing this, as always Silver Wind. :-) I enjoyed reading it.
Silver WInd Posted February 24, 2008 Author Report Posted February 24, 2008 Thank you so often their beauty misunderstood Yes I can see what you mean here, I was not completly sold on the word "misunderstood" and I thought and thought of another way I could convey the message I wanted using something else but I got stuck there, so I just went with it.
Ozymandias Posted February 29, 2008 Report Posted February 29, 2008 I liked especially liked the dichotomy of the moth's ethereal, almost fragile beauty, and the weaving in of them being the nightmare bearers lends them an air of faint menace as well. You made *moths* menacing!!!
reverie Posted March 8, 2008 Report Posted March 8, 2008 (edited) Beautifully gentle, but you do seem to have a blind spot for the possessive apostrophe don't you? Soft wonders of the majestic night forever dreaming of the moon's sweet light vibrant colors kept hidden beneath shades dancing delicate agility as they flit among the star-fed flowers painted black eyes ever watching the sky so often their beauty misunderstood these gentle nocturne seekers of the light questing to obtain what they are denied sentenced always to live in the shadow cast always out of the sun's burning light but living instead beneath the moon's glow innocently these nightly visitors bring nightmares upon their soft silent wings. Edited March 8, 2008 by reverie
Silver WInd Posted March 9, 2008 Author Report Posted March 9, 2008 LOL, yes acutally I do, I forget to add those all the time
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