Battle Brother

[Peredhil]

Written 16FEB2008 for a long time friend met in the military. contains in-jokes, but hopefully the heart will come through. Was beginning to think I'd forgotten how to write...

~Peredhil

 

1. As long as I have a home, you will never be homeless. If you are starving, I’ll share my food. Unless you have a

pet, in which case I’ll help you prepare your Meals-on-paws.

 

2. We are at the age that all pain is no longer gain. But I’ll tease you about being a wussy regardless. I’ll just make sure you get to a doctor if you break.

 

3. If you have a need and I can help, I will. Please note that Universal Cosmic Law #7 states that if I’m having sex, this is a Class Three demi-miracle and it is impossible for you to have a need. Wait three minutes and reevaluate. By then, UCL #7 may not apply anyway.

 

4. The doctors tell me I may no longer drink. This shouldn’t prevent you from drinking if you wish. I will get just as loud, embarrassing, and belligerent, be able to drive, and remember every thing you’d rather forget, for you.

a. By UCL #4, the Lawful Lie, I can embellish anything you did foolishly, and include anything that either of us should’ve said but didn’t, when recounting said events. It makes a better story.

b. Unless in a court of law, in which case, I don’t remember anything past your stopping to allow the old lady to cross the street and the jerk behind you almost hitting you for this deed of grace and love. Oh, and his insistence that I take his keys before he had his first drink. But, Your Honor, he’s just like that.

5. Your mate and spawn are safe with me. If you die before the spawn are functional adults, I won’t take care of them for you, I’ll take care of them as you would’ve, to the best of my ability.

a. When in your home, I will not correct you or give relationship/parenting advice in front of any one, regardless of my personal beliefs. If I can’t support you, I’ll get a room some where before I’d undermine you.

b. In private, I will tell you my beliefs and why, and then support you in whatever you decide, to the best of my ability.

6. When you are making a decision, I will give you my experience, knowledge, views, beliefs, and whatever support I can. Once the decision is made, I’ll put all that aside and support you as if the decision were mine, unless it conflicts with my morality.

 

7. If your heart is broken, I’ll listen to you and give sympathy for the appropriate time of Manliness Mourning. Then I’ll tease you about it publically to help you toughen back up.

 

8. On second thought, I will always tease you publically, so you’ll be ready. Life and change occur on the edges of the comfort zone. I’ll help you find your own personal limits, and then push them. Feel the love.

 

9. When you’re being serious, I say obvious things until you get a sense of humor back. When you are angry, I’ll laugh at you. When we are Norsing, I’ll remind you to pillage THEN burn. When we are geriatric, I’ll remind you the rule is socks then shoes, and that toes go in first.

 

10. All flesh is born of water and blood. But some bonds of brotherhood are birthed in hell and through choice. The second is our bond.

[The Portrait of Zool]

Excellent Master P - always the Artful Codger!