I Am Selfish

[reverie]

Warning Explicit Language and Images

 

*Indentions are a little off*

 

2/04/2008

 

I Am Selfish

 

Pointing the ‘44 to the back of Arty’s Head,

The man who will murder you says,

“Crash this car, your friend dies.”

That’s what Arty tells Dad as I sit stoic

on the deck waiting for a lie, a misspoken clue

of why your friend was not found bludgeoned to death

by the misfired gun like you.

 

He wanted cash, ten-thousand on the card.

 

Idiot, Asshole Mother Fucker, you’ve been in jail

so long you don’t even know what a card can give:

the banks are closed, the money isn’t his, and

No! he will not take you to his fiancée’s house,

“You’ll kill her too.”

Arty abandoned you as you sat

gun to the back of your head in a Kroger parking lot,

instead of walking to the ATM, he ran and ran

and ran into the store screaming for a cop.

 

And the policeman at the back of the store

ran too, knocking over displays just in time

to see your car’s taillights swerving out

into the night.

 

They found you in the daylight,

face broken, body sprawled out

over and across the front seat

 

Like your murderer and your friend,

I too am selfish. I wish you were.

Edited February 5, 2008 by reverie

[Wyvern]

Very good poem, reverie. It has a personal feel to it, yet is distanced enough to convey a clear image to the reader while experimenting with structure and phrasing. The first stanza was probably my favorite, as the manner that Arty's story is narrated is well done and the emotions that the narrator shows in relation to Arty and his dead friend are complex and intriguing. In some ways, they seem connected to the statement that ends the poem, which feels original and well-incorporated in the manner that it draws upon the selfish aspects of people to better appreciate the friend who was murdered. The story of the friend's death was also well-written, though I wasn't quite as big a fan of the indented paragraph where the narrator expresses his anger at the killer. It's an approach that I feel could work very well in a seperate poem all to itself, but which feels a little out of place in the context of the rest of this poem given the general focus on the dead friend... then again, feelings of mourning are often accompanied by feelings of anger, and that's expressed nicely here. Good stuff overall, reverie. Thank you for sharing it.

[reverie]

Thanks for the feedback. Hmm, the first stanza didn't tip you off that the speaker was related to the "friend" that died? I thought talk of "Dad" would have been enough. Maybe another line then.

 

True story, that's how my brother died. It one of reasons (of many) why I hate Atlanta. I only took poetic license with one fact and only slightly. I'll see how the indentions play in workshop and get back to you on them.

 

Man that killed my brother four years ago has recently been granted an appeal trial. So it sort of weighs heavy on my mind at the moment.

 

 

rev...

[The Death of Rats]

A very, very well laid breakdown of the fear, anguish and anger that's felt as it still gives way to the realization that though he is missed, he died sticking to his virtues, not flaws- thus implying a great deal of respectful memory for that act, as well as his life.

 

In all seriousness, I think Aesop woiuld've been impressed.

Edited February 6, 2008 by The Death of Rats

[Parmenion]

Now that was a very refreshing read, as usually is with yourself. Loved that story and left me gagging for more despite a well finished conclusion!

 

Well done

[reverie]

thank you.

 

I may write more on these events in other poems now that I've gained some years from them. Time will tell.

 

rev...