The Almost Report Bears its Quills at Wrenny's Pen(t)house

[Wyvern]

The news cameras fade in and focus on a line of plush white teddy bears, which gradually increase in size as the cameras pan to the right. Each of the teddies holds a particular quill with a size appropriate to its stature, moving from a hatchling feather to a hawk feather to one of Gryphon’s feathers. The cameras pause as they reach a huge white teddy not holding a quill, and remain focused on the bear until a scaly claw reaches down and places a Roc feather in its arms. The image pans out to reveal Wyvern standing near the wide mahogany shelf holding the bears, a gang of feathers in hand. The room that Wyvern stands in is decorated in a bright English country style, with a wide variety of sentimental keepsakes that extend beyond just teddy bears. Decorative quills stick from behind Wyvern’s horns and from positions pinned in his tunic, their cheap and haggard appearance looking somewhat out of place in the fine décor of the chamber.

 

“Greetingsss, and welcome to this week’s Almost Report.” Wyvern pulls out a note card and plucks one of the quills from the front of his tunic. He dips the quill into an old fashioned inkwell resting on a table in front of him and scribbles a few words on the note card, along with some mini-hearts and a few stick figure doodle hugs. “In another pre-emptive Pen birthday celebration, we’re broadcasssting to you live from Wrenwind’s west tower penthouse and are fessstively vamping it up with the appropriate B-day accessories. Hope ya have a great one, Wrenny!”

 

Wyvern grins towards the cameras and unwraps a string of quills from one of his claws, hanging it over a collectible purple lamp that rests next to the inkwell on the table. The overgrown lizard examines the room for a moment before moving towards a pair of fancy swords that hang majestically on a wall.

 

“Of courssse, these particular decorations ssstem from the recent celebration of the grounds of the Pen Keep, which have now been enchanted for 5 years going on strong.” Wyvern reaches up and hangs a large copper quill between the two fancy swords on the wall. He pauses to look it over for a moment, then scratches his chin and hangs a sign over the quill with the words “mightier than the swords” scrawled on it along with an arrow pointing down. “There’sss a lil’ celebration of the Pen going on in the Cabaret Room for any folks interested. Feel free to drop by and tack up a poem piece, eat a bit of blue cake, or jussst watch the friendly Pen troll romp by. 100% free, unlessss you wanna buy an Almost Dragonic Brand Extra-Crunchy Hobbit Bone Yog Snack™ beforehand. Thossse cost extra.”

 

Wyvern turns and wanders over to an oak cupboard, opening it and examining the charming teapot collection within. The reptilian reporter’s eyes wander over floral designs and striped patterns before coming to the conclusion that the collection lacks a quill design. He grabs a plain white pot and begins tracing little quills on it, which look suspiciously like geld piece outlines in his almost dragonic hand.

 

“In further Pen newsss, economic forecasssts show that the Pen’s pharmaceutical industry will boom in conjunction with the rise in demand for both blue and red pillssss for the recent Matrix Werewolf sign up." Wyvern shuts the cupboard and hangs another string of quills over its frame. “The 38th of the longstanding Werewolf Conservatory gaming tradition is certain to be otherworldly event, so sssign up if you want in. Almost Dragonic Inc. hasss started developing a crimson pill to market for the occasion, which should see completion around Werewolf LXXX.”

 

Wyvern raises a claw and taps it along the wall of the chamber as he breezes over the eclectic collection of keepsakes, planting quills in a pot of dead roses and beside a shining crystal ball before making his way into the fancy bedroom of the penthouse. The overgrown lizard whistles as he looks over the various shades of silken blue that color the bedroom, and scratches his chin as he contemplates how to quill-ify it.

 

“Last Pen newsss item of this report is Ozymandias’ latest Pen promotions announcement, which ssstates that the date of the next Pen promotions shall be February 1rst.” Wyvern strokes one of Wrenwind’s bed drapes, licking his lips as he estimates its price. “As usual, we’ll keep you updated on the state of said promotions, and will let you know if any tasssty scandals break.”

 

Wyvern turns to examine the other side of the bed drapes, only to wrap the curtain around him as his tail stinger gets stuck in the fabric. The overgrown lizard grumbles and kneels to fix it, but gets one of his wing tips stuck in the curtain hooks and further complicates his tangled state…

[CheerMynx]

Wyvern was still in the process of trying to untangle himself from the drapes - and only succeeding in making his situation worse - when he heard the loud "BANG" of a door being slammed.

"Wyyyyyyyyyyvie!" The pitch of CheerMynx's voice caused the camera mics to squeal even with her in another room.

"I know, I know, I'm like totally late but you will not believe the day I had!" CheerMynx's voice slowly got louder as she moved into the room. The cheerline was clothed in what looked like Mary Poppins' dress...if it had been designed for a midgit. And then had a few inches cut off the hem. The result was something corseted, lacey, properly English...and yet somehow barely there at all. Snuffles was this time perched in the bonnet on top of CheerMynx's head, a miniature bonnet on his own head, much to the Minion's apparent dislike.

Rearranging the bags she held in her paws, CheerMynx flashed a wide grin at the camera before she located Wyvern's somewhat trapped form by the bed.

"Okay, so, like, first I had to go and pick up my outfit from the dressmaker - do you like it? You said today was like an English theme or something, right?" The cheerline paused long enough for Wyvern to draw breath to answer (or perhaps ask for help), but continued before the Almost Dragon could say a word.

"THEN I had to go and pick up those extra quills you asked me for which, like, OH. MY. GAWD. Wyvern did you HAVE to have some from EVERY bird Pennite we have here?! You have, like, NO idea how hard it was for me to even get NEAR some of them because all they ever like see is me as a total predator. Hah! As if I'd ruin my manicure! Oh and did you know there's like this funny little orc running around and calling everyone Governor or something? Totally weird. AAAAAAANYWAY....wait...why're you down there?" CheerMynx blinked in unison with Snuffles as she paused long enough to take in her co-worker's trapped state. Wyvern's scales flushed slightly, but once again his attempts to speak were interrupted.

"Gawd, do I like TOTALLY have to do everything around here?" CheerMynx heaved a sigh before she stomped over to where Wyvern lay.

A funny thing about using a Minion for one's vision...it can at times destroy one's depth perception. Without pausing or slowing, CheerMynx walked straight into the edge of the bed and tripped. With a squeal, the cheerline threw her bags of feathers into the air as she toppled over, landing heavily on Wyvern.

The feathers completely blocked the camera's vision for a while, before they settled amidst the chaos, revealing a full screen image of the white petticoats and striped tail of the Almost Intern, now just as tangled in the drapes as her boss...

[Wyvern]

Wyvern's scales flush from "ever-so-slightly" to "in-a-major-way" as CheerMynx's tightly packed English form falls on top of him with all the delicacy of an Almost Dragonic Brand Pure Rope Bungee Jumping Cable™. The overgrown lizard chokes out an exhilarated gasp as the cheerline's fine fur and lacey outfit press against his scales, his forked tongue falling loose and his wings and tail instantly tensing up. He tries his best to keep his visual focus away from all aspects of CheerMynx's body and her proximity to him, but fails miserably and goes google eyed as he tries to focus on thighs and neckline simultaneously. His jaw finally drops open in a stammer.

 

"Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cheee-"

 

CheerMynx raises a paw to pull off the bed drapes, but her tugs only seem to tighten the space of the curtains, along with the space between the two reporters. The fixated state of Wyvern's eyes tightens as well, and his stammering ends in a rasp as he takes a second to savor the moment in all its nerve-wracking glory. He tenses up even further as CheerMynx shifts forward in an attempt to pull a different part of the drapes, her knee wandering further up his scaly leg and her chest coming dangerously close to his snout. Wyvern clutches at the sheets of Wren's bed as CheerMynx's tantalizing angles shift with each attempt at tugging off the drapes, the proximity growing slightly closer with each pull.

 

"Great." whimpers CheerMynx over an unhappy mewl from Snuffles, who is crushed flat in CheerMynx's bonnet and is mostly only able to see English fashion at this point. The cheerline shifts back down and lays her arms over Wyvern's chest, placing her head on her paws so she can see the lizard's face via Snuffles vision. "What do we do now, Wyv?"

 

Wyvern pants in spite of himself as the sensation of CheerMynx's fur continues pressing against him. His thoughts still manage to register CheerMynx's question somehow, and he slurps up as much drool as he can muster before stammering a response.

 

"o-O-OH." Wyvern's voice comes out much louder than expected in his state of excitement, his thoughts running over what the question might be refering to in his buzzing state of mind. "W-W-W-WHAT D-DO YOU M-M-MEAN?"

 

"I mean how do we get out of these drapes?" CheerMynx looks at Wyvern with a quizzical expression, then pokes at the blue fabric above. "Like, I guess we could cut'em..."

 

"N-N-NO." Wyvern clears his throat as the diabolical logic of the situation suddenly registers in his mind. His voice begins coming out as a squeak that gets more high-pitched as it goes along. "It's w-wrenny's b-b-birthday, w-we can't w-w-wreck her c-c-c-curtainsss. we'll j-j-j-just have to wait t-till ssss-sss-ssomeone sssaves us I g-g-g-g-guess! a-a-and, umm, w-w-we should p-p-p-p-prolly f-find s-s-s-ssssome w-way t-t-t-to k-k-kill time u-until then, y'know?"

 

Wyvern strikes an extra-nervous grin, his thoughts in such an excited state that he doesn't hear the sound of the door to Wrenwind's quarters slamming shut again...

[WrenWind]

Wren backs through the door to her suite and kicks it shut her arms full of quills. She sets them down a looks around the room and notices there are more quills tucked into every nook and cranny. With a smile she begins to collect them and and them to the pile that she had found all over the pen keep , Her name writen in bold on dragonic brand ribbon. "Silly dragon is has gone overboard" Wren mumbles to herself.

Wren stops for a second and realizes there are voices coming from her bed chamber. She steps closer to the door and looks in to find Cheer and Wyvern entangled in sheets curtains and each other. "Umm! Am I interrupting something?" "Should I leave the two? of you alone?" Wren chuckles as Wyvern turns a brighter shade of red than she has ever seen and waits for someone to answer

[Wyvern]

"W-W-WRENNY!" Wyvern croaks and bites his bottom lip, the embarrassing nature of the situation fighting with the urge to spend more "quality time" with CheerMynx under the drapes. "W-WHAT A P-P-PLEASSSSSANT SURPRISSSE. Y-y-ya like the uhhh, decorationsss?"

 

No response. Wyvern attempts to tilt his head at an angle where he might view Wrenwind's expression through the light on the drapes, but finds it impossible to look beyond CheerMynx's hypnotic cleavage. The overgrown lizard gibbers for a moment, then clears his throat and lets the thought of Wrenwind scowling get the best of him, hissing:

 

"D-d-d-don't worry, we were just getting u-"

 

Wyvern takes another yank at the drapes in the genuine hopes of removing them, but let's out a high-pitched cry of excitement as it once again squeezes CheerMynx closer to his scales. The reptilian Elder's thoughts go dizzy and he reaches out to clutch Wren's sheets again, only to accidentally grip at the back of his Almost Intern's skimpy Mary Poppins attire. Wyvern breaths out a sharp gasp of air as his claws shift over the lacey fabric of the dress, and the thought that perhaps his geld is going to a good cause enters his mind before the excitement becomes to much for him to bear. He promptly goes faint, a twisted smile curled over his snout and a dribble of drool finding its way down the tips of his tongue...