The Almost Report Undergoes Mistletoe Treatment

[Wyvern]

The news cameras flicker on to the festive decorations of CheerMynx’s bedroom HQ, homing in on the pink candy cane ribbons and white snow pompoms that dot the span of the cheerline’s quarters. A small fashionable Christmas fern rests on CheerMynx’s bedside counter, decorated with tiny catnip mouse toys in a variety of colors. The poster on the far end of the room depicts the cover of Elfish Presley’s seasonal album: “The Ice Dragons are Coming Home for Xmas (a Carol Call to Arms).” The cameras move away from the icicles hanging from Elfish’s ears as they fix their attention on Wyvern, who is busy setting up a large mistletoe over CheerMynx’s bedpost.

 

“Greetingsss, and Merry Christmas to pennites and honored guests across the board from us folks at the Almost Report.” Wyvern adjusts his gift bow tie and the open stockings that hang from each of his horns, then hops off of CheerMynx’s bedsheets and grabs a loaded bag from the floor. “We hope yer enjoying the holidaysss as much as we’re enjoying broadcasting to you about’em.”

 

Wyvern moves along a wall of CheerMynx’s bedroom, reaching into his sack and tacking up more mistletoes with each passing step. He slowly licks his lips as he sets another one up on top of CheerMynx’s wardrobe, positioning it so that it’s in view but not immediately apparent.

 

“In today’s news, pennites who missed Valdar’s Christmas IRC Party should be sure to read the results of the event in the party log thread.” Wyvern pauses for a moment, then hops up to paste another mistletoe to the ceiling. “Though I sssstill haven’t received an exotic alcoholic Pen Christmas beverage, the party was never the less a success and should make for a fun read. Thanksss for the good times, Valdar. [Note: no CheerTreants were harmed in the making of this event.]”

 

Wyvern raises a claw to his chin as he examines the unadorned parts of CheerMynx’s quarters, then races over to the far wall and begins loading the pompom shelves and counters with mistletoes of all different sizes. The reptilian reporter pants and catches his breath for a moment, then brushes the loose brambles from his claws and makes his way over to the next wall of the chamber.

 

“The Almost Report would also like to send a quick belated birthday shout to Finnius, the official blue mage and maitre de of haikus.” Wyvern points a claw and winks towards the cameras. “I ain’t seen you around lately blue man, hope you’re doing well and that you haven’t gotten lost in the gift-giving shuffle.”

 

Wyvern tilts his head and squints as he carefully hangs the last of the mistletoes over the main entrance of CheerMynx’s bedroom, patting it to make sure that it’s stable and then tossing the empty bag to the side. The overgrown lizard makes sure that his horn stockings are on straight, then slithers over to another large red sack that rests on the other side of CheerMynx’s bed.

 

“Finally, the Almost Report would like to openly offer gifts to the Pen Keep on this holiday.” Wyvern opens the flap of the red bag and points at the odd items inside. “For a mere tip of one geld, you can pick up any of these fine products previously seen on Black Monday's Report. Pick’em up now, before we start tossing them to people from a flying sssleigh!”

 

Wyvern pauses as he spots a small jumble of wrapping paper next to the bag and quickly scoops it up with a claw. The dull skellie gift wrap contains a bright pink comb, which is clearly visible through the claw mark holes formed in the packaging process.

 

“Well, except for thisss present.” Wyvern sets the little gift under CheerMynx’s pillow and clears his throat. “Thisss one’s reserved for a certain special feline.”

 

With that, Wyvern re-examines CheerMynx’s quarters to make sure that they’re 100% mistletoe enhanced. Once he’s performed his screening, he seats himself on the cheerline’s bed and begins rubbing his claws together and snickering helplessly as he awaits the Almost Intern’s arrival…

[CheerMynx]

CheerMynx's humming could be heard on the other side of the door long before the cheerline herself arrived. When she finally burst through the door, it was obvious that CheerMynx took holiday fashion as seriously as her other duties. Dressed in an exceedingly short red dress trimmed with white fur, with a santa hat and a bow on her tail to complete the ensemble, CheerMynx grinned hugely and waved at the camera. Even Snuffles seemed content to wear a miniature santa's hat, as the minion gnawed happily on a candy cane from his perch on his mistress' shoulder.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" CheerMynx bounced. "I hope you're all having like a killer holiday and getting heaps of totally awesome presents!"

Distracted by how short the hem of the dress was, Wyvern for a moment completely forgot the mistletoe hanging everywhere, as well as the ability to form a coherent thought. He'd risen when CheerMynx had entered, intending to guide her towards a strategic point as soon as possible, but as his Almost Intern continued, Wyvern could only stand there and gape.

"I wanted to buy presents for everyone but I'm like totally skint and I don't know what you all wanted anyway so instead I invite any and everyone to totally drop by and pick up a candy cane!" Winking, CheerMynx held up two huge sacks filled with the brightly coloured candy.

"Oh, but I did get something for you, Wyvie," giggling, CheerMynx turned her attention to the Almost Dragon and presented him with a bag filled with large gold coins. Wyvern snapped to attention at the gift, eyes lighting up with greed.

"I'm afraid I could only afford the chocolate ones though," CheerMynx admitted. Wyvern drooped at this sentance, but CheerMynx failed to notice his disappointment as she noticed the edge of a present sticking out from under her pillow.

Squealing with delight, the cheerline pounced on the package and tore it open, her scream of happiness temporarily short circuiting the sound equipment.

"OhmygodthankyouWyvieit'slikesototallyawesome!" CheerMynx gibbered happily. Wrapping her arms around his neck, CheerMynx planted a big kiss on Wyvern's cheek. "Merry Christmas!"

Eyes glazing over completely, Wyvern grinned foolishly as he swayed, before he keeled over completely in a dead faint.

It was only the fact that he had landed on the camera that the screen was black, instead of an extreme-close-up of an Almost Dragonic Happy Smile ™