Silver WInd Posted December 3, 2007 Report Posted December 3, 2007 (edited) Beauty Defined Beauty is in the mind's eye but how do we define it with words or phrases do we ever weigh the meaning of these words? Is beauty a lie, a deception or the only pure truth? Beauty found upon the tilt of butterflies wing soft bloom of April spring flowers, it may be perceived in sky reaching towers; city lights on a moonless night, it comes in many forms shapes and sizes, sights, scents and sounds. Does the artist make beauty? Or may beauty truly only be crafted by the ones whom declare it so. Has anything ever been nature or man made, universally beautiful or does everything have a side in shadow? Edited December 4, 2007 by Silver Wind
Peredhil Posted December 3, 2007 Report Posted December 3, 2007 This left me thinking, which is a Good Thing to take away from a poem. I kinda missed punctuation - when I read it aloud, I found myself adding commas and periods. Should "minds eye" be "mind's eye"? The idea of multiple minds sharing a single eye which is defining beauty is a nifty one, but I don't think it was author's intent.
Silver WInd Posted December 3, 2007 Author Report Posted December 3, 2007 Thank you, yes I have kind of moved away from using punctuation from a lot poems I will go fix that, I am terrible about remebering to add apostrophes
Da_Yog Posted December 4, 2007 Report Posted December 4, 2007 I was looking for punctuation in a couple of places as well: 1) In the first stanza it seemed that there needed to be a question mark after either the second or third line. I wasn't sure if you meant "...how do we define it? / with words or phrase" This would imply a question with the answer provided by the author. Or did you mean, "but how do we define it / with words or phrase?" This would leave it completely up to the reader to define it. Just not quite sure which way you meant for us to read it. 2) In stanza five you give two options and it took me a second to figure that out as I had to go back and reread it. If you end the first line with a colon and a comma at the end of line two I think that would clear up the ambiguity for me. Other than those two little things I thought it was rather nice. The question pose in the end, "or does everything / have a side in / shadow?" was excellent. The idea of beauty being masked in shadow, being shadow, or hiding shadow was a very interesting way to leave the reader.
Silver WInd Posted December 4, 2007 Author Report Posted December 4, 2007 Thank you for your comments, yes I can see what you mean about the 5th stanza being confusing, though I don't really like the idea of using a question mark in the first stanza.
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