Fright

[Silver WInd]

I must be in a wierd state of mind these days. As my work has been taking an odd turn, but here is another of my more odd piscies.

 

Fright

 

I have heard it said before

to a frightened child in the corner

that if monsters come

close your eyes and count

to ten,

 

they say it does not exist

does not exist

 

I would like to think

that I could close my eyes

and make the world go away

I thought I would try on one

dark day,

 

yet it still remains

still remains

 

So I am the child living

among nightmares

and ghosts, I imagine

they all point and laugh

with grim faces,

 

and I closed my eyes

closed my eyes

 

But they did not go away

everything is just the way

I had tried to leave it far behind

within my sleep reality

chases me,

 

wish I could shut it out

shut it out

Edited November 13, 2007 by Silver Wind

[reverie]

Think you're on to something here. It's very good.

 

 

Fright

 

I have heard it said before

to a frightened child in the corner

that if monsters come

to close your eyes and count I would drop this "to," it keeps you from confusing the "sounds of the potential pun" of the action of "closing of the eyes" with the action of the monster "coming too close". That and it allows your speaker a neat trick of instantly inhabiting the child (a free-indirect-discourse technique). It might throw off your rhythm some, eh life is compromise

to ten,

Edited November 12, 2007 by reverie

[Silver WInd]

Thank you, re-reading, I think you are right, it would sound better without that "to" there