Silver WInd Posted November 9, 2007 Report Posted November 9, 2007 Fragile Warrior A rose among the snow last fading rebel still holding on long has its comrades fallen wilting begins to encroach yet it has not withered and died brown tinges eat away within the chill color begins to pale but with valiance it still stands wavering in the winds bit by bit life drained away soon it will fall scattered like drops of blood. Weep not for the defined blossom while it shudders upon the stem bravely it had made its stand but now as all things a time has passed back into the ground it must return at last.
Peredhil Posted November 9, 2007 Report Posted November 9, 2007 I got an incredible mind picture off this. Nice use of line breaks instead of punctuation to guide the flow, and kudos for correct use of "valiance"! I need to make time to post more feedback - but you've really been making my Pen visits a delight of late. thank you. ~Peredhil in haste
Silver WInd Posted November 9, 2007 Author Report Posted November 9, 2007 Thank you it is a pleasure to hear from you. I am glad you enjoyed it
Da_Yog Posted November 9, 2007 Report Posted November 9, 2007 When I read this I was immediately reminded of a poem by Hungry Coyote. For reference it reads: "All the earth is a grave and nothing escapes it, nothing is so perfect that it does not descend to its tomb. Rivers, rivulets, fountains and waters flow, but never return to their joyful beginnings; anxiously they hasten on the vast realms of the rain god. As they widen their banks, they also fashion the sad urn of their burial. Filled are the bowels of the earth with pestilential dust once flesh and bone, once animate bodies of man who sat upon thrones, decided cases, presided in council, commanded armies, conquered provinces, posessed treasure, destroyed temples, exulted in their pride, majesty, fortune, praise and power. Vanished are these glories, just as the fearful smoke vanishes that belches forth from the infernal fires of Popocatepetl. Nothing recalls them but the written page."—Popocatepetl is a still active and smouldering volcano in Mexico. While yours maintains the same cyclical nature—from the earth all things rise and to the earth all things return—you seem to make the statement with far less negativity. This was a very nice effort indeed.
Silver WInd Posted November 9, 2007 Author Report Posted November 9, 2007 Thank you for sharing that poem. While yours maintains the same cyclical nature—from the earth all things rise and to the earth all things return—you seem to make the statement with far less negativity. This was a very nice effort indeed. Thank you, it is nice to see I accomplished my intent, as I was hoping it would end up sounding negative.
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