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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

Well this one is a bit different, and a bit strange, and sort of abstract in nature. It started out as a stream of concious of sorts, but overall I liked it. Just made a couple adaptations to it.

 

The Lost One

 

There is no one here

to release our fears

so we must give into tears

bitter where they fall

searching through the wall

we all just float by upon the air

but I was left hiding behind the stair.

 

The cold comes for me

and yet I have embraced her

icy fingers, trying to drag me

down.

 

Flailing limbs hit the backside

but those watching eyes take all

in stride.

 

I am the lost one

I am the fallen one

 

Wonder where that door leads

down another unnamed floor

all these flowers

stacking coffins into towers

and there it is, that smirk

that tells all

and I know I have lost.

Posted

It has a very, "ghost observing the world" kind of feel. I can read it as either the literal ghost interpretation or as a person who is seeing the world through a ghost-like haze. Not sure which I like better at the moment.

 

The one point that is a bit confusing to me, and perhaps you could help me out here, is the transition from second person plural to first person singular near the end. "to release our fears/so we must give into tears" becomes "I am the lost one/I am the fallen one". Is this an intentional shift or an oops?

Posted (edited)

It has a very, "ghost observing the world" kind of feel. I can read it as either the literal ghost interpretation or as a person who is seeing the world through a ghost-like haze. Not sure which I like better at the moment.

 

That is an intresting way to look at it, and yes I can see where you would get that feeling, and well I suppose there are times when I do feel ghost like in my observations of the world, or of myself.

 

The one point that is a bit confusing to me, and perhaps you could help me out here, is the transition from second person plural to first person singular near the end. "to release our fears/so we must give into tears" becomes "I am the lost one/I am the fallen one". Is this an intentional shift or an oops?

It is more or less intentional, when I frist wrote this I was not really thinking about it but then when I decdied to strcututure into more of a poem, there was something about the affect of it that I liked, so I decided to leave it as it is.

Edited by Silver Wind
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