The Almost Report Stages a Hostel Takeover

[Wyvern]

The news cameras tune in to a wide horizon-like shot of a cherry tabletop, its particular high-elf design immediately identifying it as a table of Custos Manor. The cameras zoom out in a less-than-professional manner and begin circling the large conference hall of Salinye's hostel, the magnificent curved window and elegant chairs in a condition that wouldn't suggest that an undead invasion had once occured here. The cameras pause as they reach a small bookcase of leather bound tomes, focussing on Wyvern as he reads through the "Almost Dragonic" section of the "most heinous" race compendium.

 

"Oh, hello there, welcome to the latest Almost Report." Wyvern grins and snaps the book shut, then tosses it back onto a random spot on the bookshelf. He leans back against the shelf and presses his claws together. "This evening, we take you to Custos Manor in another exclusive Almost Report invasion. With the recent return of Salinye, we figured it'd be better to do it now and avoid the hassstle of dealing with permissions when she steps back into her quartersss."

 

Wyvern winks and lets his forked tongue hang loose, then begins wandering through the chamber and eyeing the elegant decorations, estimating their value in his scaly noggin.

 

"In Pen news this evening, Ozymandias' recent foressst seminar ended in a rare Daft Punk sighting at the Pen, complete with robotsss and blinking lights." Wyvern curses inwardly over not having been there to tap the event for geld, then clears his throat and continues. "It also resulted in three new Pen Pages, and a new Pen Quillbearer. Congratulationsss're going out to Degorram, Blby, Nyarlathotep, and Ashtonblades... I'll be contactin' the lot of ya for associated ranking fees shortly!"

 

Wyvern strikes a claws up as he continues walking through the conference hall, only to come to an abrupt halt as he notices the small bureau on the right side of the grand window. The design must've been worth at least 550 geld, but the pitcher of water that crowns the bureau gleams menacingly under the light of the hall. Wyvern bites his lip and glances at the cameras, then slowly backs away from the Wyvern ward. He takes a seat in one of the conference room's beautiful mossy green chairs instead, implanting his tail stinger in its ornate pattern.

 

"In further news this evening, the 'Under the Name Doodad' vote has led to a second round of votes on the subject. The technical title of this new vote is 'Under-the-Name Info,' but we here at the Almost Report like to call it the 'Under-the-Name Doo Dis or Doo Dat?' vote." Wyvern curls his tongue back into his mouth as he focuses on the cameras with a serious expression. "Please Please PLEASSSE vote pro-geld in thisss vote! You know how much I like ogling other people's geld, and I'd hate to lose the privelege."

 

Wyvern kicks his feet up on the cherry table and stretches his wings as he continues.

 

"For our final item of news this evening, Salinye's come back to the Pen in style with a new life question based on Living Fiction to sink yer teeth into. Go check it out and drop some of yer thoughts." Wyvern pauses and turns for a moment as a troglyodyte reporter steps from behind the cameras and hands him what looks like a giant pair of rusty scissors. "And ssspeaking of Salinye, it's high time I ended thisss report and set about making those garden recreation room peeping holes I was planning on. The vinesss covering those walls shouldn't stand a chance against this Almost Dragonic Brand Giant Hedge Skimmer™ (now on sale for 40 geld)!"

 

Wyvern clears his throat, then lets out a villanous laugh and pounces out of his seat to do his dirty work. The cameras black out to lessen the already incriminating evidence.