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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

In here there exists a place,

too dark for this world to face.

No quarter in those murky waters,

hatred pours red, mercy falters.

 

Silently I’ll slit your throat

Watch you die, and thrash about.

For you there won’t be another day

As I calmly turn and walk away.

 

Inside me something’s broken

Kind words were never spoken

I grew hard cold and fearless

Forfeit life? I could care less.

Posted

I like the idea behind this poem. I saw part of the interview with him. I'm not quite getting the whole of the intensity of his depravity from this poem yet though and I think the rhyme scheme might be holding you back in that regard. These particular bits are very nice, "too dark for this world.../hatred pours red.../calmly walk away/hard, cold, fearless". All of these bits really drive to the heart of the man. Together they make me shudder. I think, while you were writing it, you got caught up in the rhyme and lost some focus on the dark imagery that really drives the piece and the man it is about. I would love to see you rework this, and at least for the first draft, ignore rhyme and really focus on the imagery. If a rhyme presents itself for a second draft and you like the idea of then go for it.

Posted (edited)

I tend to agree Da_Yog with that assessment but I am trying to decend to this pathetic excuse of a man's depravity and while I can be a cruel cold hearted bastard I can't even get close to him.

 

 

In here there exists a place,

too dark for this world to face.

No quarter in those murky waters,

hatred pours red, mercy falters.

 

Silently I'll slit your throat

Watch you die, and thrash about.

For you there won't be another day

As I calmly turn and walk away.

 

 

Inside me something's broken

Kind words were never spoken

My cooling heart grew fearless

Painful death? I could care less.

 

I'll see your existence end

Misfortune has found you friend

Save your begging I don't care

Blood stains, bone shards, bits of hair

 

Thanks for the comments.

Edited by Regel
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