Sweet Winter

[Silver WInd]

Sweet Winter

 

Sweet winters blush

fallen in gentle hush

the song of a lonely thrush

 

clouds above and below

ground under fresh fallen snow

gone, the days when life will grow

Edited October 27, 2007 by Silver Wind

[Da_Yog]

I like the comparison of the first and last lines: "Sweet winter's blush"—seemingly a good thing. A beautiful picture of what winter is all about. Soft, whilte snow blanketing the ground. Then our parting line is not quite so rosy, "gone the days when life will grow". It brings me from the first days of snow-fall, a time of fun to the last days of winter when you are just ready for spring to begin.

 

One small negative in the last line isc it needs something. I want to pause after the word gone but the poem doesn't want to seem to let me. Perhaps, "gone, the days when life will grow" or "gone—the days when life will grow" or with a more flowing style "gone are the days when life will grow". I just keep wanting to see something between gone and the. *shrug*

[Silver WInd]

I have not looked at it that way, but I can see where a pause might work well here, though becasue of keeping with a certian syllabel count, I could not add any extra words, a comma would certaintly fit in here. Thank you for the persepctive and suggestion