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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Rainbow


Silver WInd

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This poem is in a style I created myself I call it Symphonic verse because it is inpsired by and molded after the form and structure of a musical symphony, though for poetic reasons, I did make a few adaptations and alterations, for the most part it follows the same form a symphon does. The structure and schme of the poem is as follows:

 

AbCDcBA abCDcBA aAbBCcDD abACDA

 

The poem itself I think may be weak in a few areas but to really get a feel of the form and how it looks I had to write something acutally using the form, so I weclome any suggestions on impovements I could make to polish the poem up, as long as it follows with the intended style and the rhyme scheme above.

 

Rainbow

 

A splash of color across the sky

glimpse of beauty brightens the gloom

sweetly birds being to sing

painted strokes of blue and gray

broken by a colored ring

no longer shall dark clouds loom

a splash of color across the sky.

 

Little specks of brown and black fly

while down below a blush of new bloom

sweetly birds begin to sing

painted strokes of blue and gray

the last misty drizzle with a gentle ping

no longer shall dark clouds loom

a splash of color across the sky.

 

Slowly the clouds begin to shy

a splash of color across the sky

gently wind sweeps away melancholy like a broom

no longer shall dark clouds loom

sweetly birds begin to sing

the last of moisture tries to cling

painted strokes of blue and gray

painted strokes of blue and gray.

 

To remain the clouds still try

two morning doves sit as bride and groom

a splash of color across the sky

sweetly birds being to sing

painted strokes of blue and gray

a splash of color across the sky.

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This may sound jocular, but I mean it quite seriously- I read this, and I felt as well as thought several things. It flows so much like a hymn I could almost hear a joyful chorus filling a church with it from floor to rafters. It also conjuring half thought, half felt images of birds flying across bluest sky, the kind of blue you find only in the purest glaciers, and the last of the rain pat-pat-pattering down onto leaves and grass as the last of the clouds float away and the sun fills the sky.

 

You brought all this to life when I read this- even though my roommate has been blaring an Eddie Izzard comedy special in the very next room the whole time, and there's no door inbetween... :>)

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I do believe that was meant to be "broad". Anger will cause you to make mistakes quicker than anything I know of. Especially swapping a letter or two.

 

That being said. I find the overall concept quite intriguing and intricate. I hope you come back to it and give us a second draft.

Edited by Da_Yog
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You make a lot of presumtions and assumptions about people of whom you know nothing about. If you do not wish to explain yourself then perhaps you ought not vauge and borad statements about people.

borad?

 

 

Yes I made a typo, it can happen to the best and worst of us.

 

Thank you Da Yog

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