Preprise Posted October 18, 2007 Report Posted October 18, 2007 I wrote this one recently. This is where I currently am creatively. I'm moving towards further encryption of my work. I've challenged my entire creative process. Turned it on it's head. What I do is I write stream of consciousness. No censorship. My only goal being to purge thoughts ad emotions. However I do impose one rule on myself: push towards non sequitur. After this I begin to analyze the expressions but from an emotional point of view. What am I trying to say? What's wanting to come out? Then I begin manipulating the work to allow it's message to show through more clearly staying true to the tonal qualities. The result is my most raw feelings carefully encrypted. The works are crystal clear to me but require a fairly high degree of intuitive decoding for the reader to fully appreciate. Once the reader begins to reveal the message a process of satisfying discovery ensues. That's the theory anyway. This is very new to me and I'm quite adamant in pursuing this. But your comments on your reading experience is appreciated as well as any suggestions. Don't be insulted if I don't apply your advice. I'm going somewhere with this. May not be good but I want to take this as far as I can take it. Just hoping you'll take that journey with me I guess, and help me arrive at port. Weep Without Learning my exoskeleton defying the rebel I stare down the bait sordid cover in haze beckons the burning fast I stare down the gate the coaxing pledge of skin and streaming video I unleash the gun escape is not an art and the trigger is sweet I unleash the gun lust heavy, the breath chokes on lurid chemistry I dig out the bone delayed, my wetness leaks the searing mushroom flares I dig out the throne erupting in cloaked moans I submit to lava I bury the veil yield to ounce upon ounce need outdoes desire I bury the trail beyond the aftermath I choose my covenant I will burn the bone and weep without learning
Silver WInd Posted October 18, 2007 Report Posted October 18, 2007 Well as usual with your work, it is interesting and I apperciate the creativity and uniquness of it. I am not sure what to make of the inconsistent use of rhyme and repitition, as it appears to be done intentionally but I do not see just what it is accomplishing. The last line and weep without learning seems completely out of place with the rest of the poem, and does it seem to sit it, but just sort of stands alone out there, not really connected to anything.
Preprise Posted October 19, 2007 Author Report Posted October 19, 2007 You're right about the rhyme, hmmm... I'll mull over that. Thanks.
Ozymandias Posted October 22, 2007 Report Posted October 22, 2007 If this is 90% emotional, not literal as you seemed to explain in the introduction, then it remains an unsolved riddle, but one I'll gladly come back to. *However*, if that is incorrect, I'm left with some very interesting thoughts. The first being that this is a tale of one of two things: masturbation, or cannibalism. The references to weeping without learning, covering a trail, wetness, a mushroom, and digging out the bone are what led me the most strongly to these two scenarios. ...as well, perhaps, the fact that I have been listening to some pretty frickin' grim music for the past hour or so straight... Especially if I'm at all correct in either asessment, I'll take the more colorful parts of the ensuing necessary discussion into PM with you, if you don't mind. Simply because the Banquet room is public (we do have a rated R and up forum, but it remains locked until you gain some forum ranks). The one part that really has me scratching my head, though, is the "exoskeleton". That stands out quite effectively, and I'm very uncertain what to make of it. Oh, and I must agree with Silver- the last line, while poignant, does not flow well with the rest. Overall, though, definitely creative and unique. This would be "experimental poetry", then?
Parmenion Posted October 23, 2007 Report Posted October 23, 2007 (edited) Definitely a very surreptitious poem about masturbation. Cleverly done. Edited October 23, 2007 by Parmenion
Peredhil Posted October 23, 2007 Report Posted October 23, 2007 Hmmm. seems to contain the angst and guilt some people experience in porn addiction. Anything that can make people wonder like this is pretty well done.
Preprise Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Posted October 23, 2007 thanks, I'm rather proud of this piece
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