Silver WInd Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sacrifice A crimson splash given in offering The gift accepted a request the Orisha granted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted October 16, 2007 Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 For furture reference Silverwind, there is a rule regarding how often you can and should post*. With regard to the actual poem. No major issues with the layout, quick like this can be very effective. The imagery used seems almost too clever for its own good. Given the title is "Sacrifice", I am going to guess that the first stanza refers to blood and hence implied - a letting of blood or offering. The would include some form of self-harm. The second stanza insinuates that the offering of blood in the first stanza was in exchange for a request granted by the Orisha. Both old and New Age Orisha have always believed very strongly in the life force of a person, however, they are gods that walk among the people and with the people and who answer requests through the act of meditation - not self-harm. Please advise if this contradicting imagery is intended or perhaps the exact purpose of it. What exactly is the poem trying to highlight? What spheres of thought is it attemptming to bring together? Was it a mistake? *RULE BREACH Read Me, Note on Posting Options Track this topic Gwaihir Find Member's Posts Jun 17 2003, 09:37 PM Post #1 Protector of Wiggly Cabbages Group: Deputy Loremaster Posts: 1,924 Joined: 15-January 03 From: Chicago Member No.: 170 Geld: 559 As was recently decided in the member's forum. Please only make one new thread in this room a day. If you want to post five poems in one day that's great, but please do them in one thread. Otherwise it can get really crowded with so many interesting threads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted October 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 (edited) As was recently decided in the member's forum. Please only make one new thread in this room a day. If you want to post five poems in one day that's great, but please do them in one thread. Otherwise it can get really crowded with so many interesting threads. For your information I have never posted more then one poem in a single day The second stanza insinuates that the offering of blood in the first stanza was in exchange for a request granted by the Orisha. Both old and New Age Orisha have always believed very strongly in the life force of a person, however, they are gods that walk among the people and with the people and who answer requests through the act of meditation - not self-harm. Sacrifice has always been a part of the Voodon and Santeria, espcially in Santeria it is common to make sacrifices to petention to the Orisha's for varrious different things Edited October 16, 2007 by Silver Wind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preprise Posted October 16, 2007 Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 You're profile says anything goes so here goes anything. First off this has absolutely no point. So what about the Orisha? There's nothing here to keep me interested. If you gave us some background on the subjects or something at least but there is nothing I can care about, no vicar for my emotions. Basically this poem is saying, someone died for a pagan God. Woopee! Who? Where? When? all that stuff you know? What if you wrote a few stanzas about the people involved. Show the feelings of the murderers or the victim. Something! Another thing is that it does not even present the event from an interesting or unusual angle. It just says what it is. Show don't tell Silver you should know that. I've read some of your stuff before and you really can shine but you often slip into this trap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted October 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 I can respect your feelings on this poem and see your point, part of the problem is the style this was written in is a bit restrictive, but even within the limitations of the style perhaps it could have been worked out better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preprise Posted October 17, 2007 Report Share Posted October 17, 2007 first time I see you not reject a crit. Keep up the good attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted October 17, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2007 That is because I happen to agree with you on this one, which I know does not happen often Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preprise Posted October 17, 2007 Report Share Posted October 17, 2007 Agree or not a critique should be considered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 I'm sorry Silver Wind, but the discussion on this thread has gone way off topic, and not towards the offtopic that we like and I've locked it. Clean up of the topic is now complete. Please keep commentaries to the poem. Anything else shall suffer the same fate as the posts which were moved from here. ~Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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