The Lady's Decision

[Silver WInd]

The Lady's Decision

 

Caught in the glittering eye of gold

the ring turned round within her fingers

pale in comparison, the wind whipped

against her face in the tussles of fire

red

 

break away

 

It whispered while the sea

caressed brutally upon the rocks

below, the long green reed grasses

upon the bluff of her standing

wisped around her fawn legs

 

break away

 

The water churned in their

midnight tumult, the folds of

her dress dancing violently

with no gaiety, even the silks

as they swished together taunted

in her ear

 

break away

 

So the ring flew from her fingers

and into the abyss it tumbles

while she imagined some gapping

kraken swallowed it up and her

stomach lurched, her cheeks stained

salty, but even her heart steadily said

 

break away

Edited September 27, 2007 by Silver Wind

[Da_Yog]

I rather like this. The repetition of break away in isolation really brings forth a sense of lonliness and determination for distancing oneself from an untennable situation. The lack of a period at the end gives a sense of continuation...perhaps the beginning of the new...

 

The only thing that really stood out as a question for me was the first line of the second stanza, "It whispered while the say". I'm not really sure what you were driving for here...typo perhaps? http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif

[Silver WInd]

Thank you for your coments, and thanks for pointing that out. It was a typo

[Wyvern]

I like this poem, Silver Wind. :-) There's a lot of good fantasy imagery in it that grabs my attention, with the woman's fawn legs and the thoughts of the kraken swallowing the ring standing out in particular. I also really like some of the phrasing that you use in the poem, especially the pairing of "caressed brutally" in the second stanza which definitely catches my eye every time I read it. I also agree with Yog that the "break away" refrain compliments the tone nicely, and I like the way that sounds and sights seem to taunt the woman and make her queasy. Well done.

 

Wyvern scratches his chin and considers bugging Silver Wind for a few photos of this gal, the fawn legs and dress offering a pretty unique look that could potentially inspire a bit of "brutal caressing" of his own (HUR HUR HUR). Shame that she's so close to the water... aquatics never fail to be a bit of a turn off.

[Silver WInd]

Thank you