Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted September 25, 2007 Report Posted September 25, 2007 (edited) The fire flickers on the stone, Of the bordering grey hearth, A power flutters coolly there, Not of wind or earth. Dream's dusty weight settles on me, And lures me into sleep, There the fire masters me, And tells me not to weep. It flutters all about me, red and cruel and gold, Whispering the darkest, Of secrets never told. I feel such terror in its grasp, But it shushes my growing fear, A burning finger brushes down, And incinerates a tear. My eyes glow gold with its sparks and whirls, As it tickles and chuckles about, With malicious intent, its will is bent, But I know not what about. No more will I see that hearth, Or sleep in my comfy chair, No more will I feel anyone but fire, Stroke my burning hair. My eyes are flame, my mouth is flame, My heart and lungs are too, And pools of liquid fire pulse, Through burning veins so true. And soon I am a part of it, No memories my own, We're off to find another one, To join us in our roam. .....The glowing eyes stare out of coals, They burn low in a hearth, They watch the young boy that sitteth there, And chuckle with cruel mirth. A smoking hand that reaches out, Clasps his hands quite tight, And 'fore he screams, he's among dreams, And whisked into the night. Edited September 28, 2007 by Kikuyu Black Paws
Wyvern Posted September 26, 2007 Report Posted September 26, 2007 Very nice poem, Kikuyu. :-) The menacing fire imagery is well done, and I like how you detail the flame's assimilation of the narrator. I particularly liked the incineration of the tear in the third stanza and the tickling flames of the fourth stanza. I also found it interesting how the fire continues to spread after assimilating the narrator and targets the child, as it definitely makes it feel like a furious flashfire of sorts. One point in the poem that felt a bit awkward to me was the repetition of "sleep" in the first two lines of the second stanza, and you might consider replacing one of them with some alternative word. Perhaps the "sleep" in the second line could be changed to "dreams"? Just one potential option... Very nicely done, Kikuyu. :-) Thank you for sharing this. Wyvern scratches his chin and considers whether he should send a request to Silver Wind to try and capture a few photos of this Fey chick. The hotter the better, after all...
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted September 26, 2007 Author Report Posted September 26, 2007 Thanks Wyvern. I'll fix that right away. And by the way, you might want to warn Silver Wind to get a fire proof lense and drink about ten espressos before hand. She doesn't want to be lured into sleep as well.
Patrick Posted September 26, 2007 Report Posted September 26, 2007 Great poem Kikuyu! Really nice descriptions for the fire and its effects and the transition from narrator to boy as the newest one they take in was very subtly done. Just one little quip: "The burn low in a hearth,". The "The" should be "They" I think.
OxygenPlant Posted September 27, 2007 Report Posted September 27, 2007 This was so enchanting to read.
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