Sea Witch

[Silver WInd]

Sea Witch

 

Her eyes looked into mine

from across the distant sea

eyes that flickered like candle light

into a mist of hazel.

 

Held enraptured

blood organ attributed to love

stops for half a beat.

 

Air caught within the throat

my pulse thumped within the

vein.

 

Entangled in the woven spell

I thought I saw her smile

or was it just a play in light.

 

Through the winds I would travel

if I could cross the oceans

to come close to you.

 

IN my dreams I know you call me

I heard the melody echo in my ears

so you taunt me like the fog and

shadows.

 

Never is close enough

each step in your direction

only draws you farther from me.

 

You are my illusion

conjured from smoke and mirrors

but still my love manifested

real.

 

A self-curse placed upon myself

I try to close my eyes against it, but

you are already ingrained within

my mind.

 

Counting the beats of my soul

until I may lay eyes upon you again

hear your voice inside my bones

to know that I will never have possession

of you, but still you are always

a part of me.

[Wyvern]

Nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) The concept of hearing a beckoning call from an illusion of idealized love created by oneself is very interesting, and I like how the illusion initially seems real and then is gradually revealed for what it is in the poem. The descriptions of the love interest reminded me of a siren, and were very nice for the most part. I also like how the poem ends, with the acknowledgement that the narrator will never possess the illusion but that it's still a part of him/her.

 

In terms of possible things to improve, I found the reference to the heart as a "blood organ attributed to love" in the second stanza a bit off-putting and overly poetic. I do appreciate the originality of referencing a heart in a way that's not typically thought of, though, and perhaps you could expand and rearrange that section of the poem to really make the image stand out. There's definitely potential in it, I think.

 

Wyvern carefully considers the sea association, the potential illusionary state, and the fog comparison. He snorts and decides that the Sea Witch is simply not a babe of the Midnight Witch caliber, and that he won't be requesting any photos of this one... unless, of course, Silver Wind can convince him that this one IS worthy of his collection... ;-)

[Silver WInd]

Thank you

 

In terms of possible things to improve, I found the reference to the heart as a "blood organ attributed to love" in the second stanza a bit off-putting and overly poetic. I do appreciate the originality of referencing a heart in a way that's not typically thought of, though, and perhaps you could expand and rearrange that section of the poem to really make the image stand out. There's definitely potential in it, I think.

Yes I see what you are saying about this, I was just trying to aviod using some clique line about the heart, but I was not completely sure how well it worked or fit in with this poem overall.