hig4s Posted September 7, 2007 Report Share Posted September 7, 2007 Please not another word Power, the power to be unfortunate Harsh, damned, cruel power Angry, volatile sadness burns Passage of time cools yet remains hot Tense images pound to be released Temper turns, action dies with sorrow Life depressed, fight relinquished Hidden , inward flight of solitude Power given, power taken Guard down, anguish strikes Pain, tears, tired distress Sticks and stones preferred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted September 7, 2007 Report Share Posted September 7, 2007 Nice poem, hig4s. :-) I really like the arrangement of the words in the first stanza and the rhythm that you give to the negative adjectives and verbs, though the "yet remains hot" of the fourth line felt a bit more like an afterthought to me and you might consider rephrasing that segment. You set a nice tone for the poem in the way that you punctuate your lines and organize your dark vocabulary, which makes for a smooth read. It's interesting how you end the poem with "Sticks and stones preferred," since the poem itself is so focussed on the arrangement of negative words... I think it makes the emotions behind the piece clearer. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthaninnocent Posted September 7, 2007 Report Share Posted September 7, 2007 I like it. Very easy to relate to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hig4s Posted September 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2007 Nice poem, hig4s. :-) . . . though the "yet remains hot" of the fourth line felt a bit more like an afterthought . . . Are you saying you don't think anger should come after thought? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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