lessthaninnocent Posted September 6, 2007 Report Posted September 6, 2007 Impure thoughts You perceive me as taken, out of bounds In reality it really is that simple. But sometimes, there is a war lust and love, tugging over heart and soul. My love for him is like an old, comfy, jumper, It fits and seems perfect, cosy, comforting It will always be there in the wardrobe Sometimes a jumper seems plain, Sometimes my heart yearns for sparkle, newness. This is all unbeknown to you. How would you know I think about you, sometimes even yearn for you? How would you know that I hang on your every word? Everyday I want to speak with you, know you more. You know you make me blush. But do you know why? But he is still there and I love him. My mind has a heavy grip on that runaway heart. ‘I don’t know you.’ ‘You could be an axe murderer.’ ‘Don’t make mistakes.’ ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’ Young spirit keeps me intrigued. Keeps fantasies alive. So here it is a solution. I can’t hurt him. I won’t adulter but neither can I let him go. So everyday is a fight for your happiness, a way to put a smile on your face. Everyday I mould my heart away from what it wistfully wants. Everyday I am yours as friend but never lover. Everyday I am here to serve you with affection. Everyday I hope that impure thoughts can lead to pure actions.
Silver WInd Posted September 6, 2007 Report Posted September 6, 2007 I liked it, I thought it was quite intresting, and really captured the emotion well and the feeling. I loved the way that it ended
Katzaniel Posted September 6, 2007 Report Posted September 6, 2007 Nice! It really struck me. You really feel for the narrator, reading this. Minor mistake/typo: "old, comfy, jumper" should just be "old, comfy jumper". (On a personal note, welcome, both of you, to the Pen. You're both too new to know me yet, as I haven't been around for a while, but it's nice to see new faces brightening things up.)
lessthaninnocent Posted September 7, 2007 Author Report Posted September 7, 2007 Thankyou Silver Wind and Katzaniel. I wasn't sure whether to post it because I was worried it would just read as teenage melodrama, which, being a teenager I really want to avoid. So thankyou for the surprisingly positive comments.
Parmenion Posted September 9, 2007 Report Posted September 9, 2007 Very nice. I really enjoyed the reality of this poem. well done.
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