lessthaninnocent Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Tiger ‘ I’m really nothing special’ he told her. But she disagreed as she lay in the night, And looked at the tiger poster. Big, deep, green eyes staring into her heart and soul. A firm look, a look nothing could be hidden from. Not the look of a predator she thought. A stern, knowledgeable look. She looked into those deep, deep eyes. They pierced into her like the claws, That remained sheathed, Unless she needed protection. The tiger allowed her to gambol around it. Explore it like a cub. Sometimes a stern growl taught her a lesson. Never a bite. He wouldn’t hurt her. She was young and had lessons to learn. He was worldly. The eyes spoke of how wise he was. He showed her, with a flick of his tail. When she was scared. She ran and hid under his tall stature. He looked down between his legs. Tickled her with his whiskers. She felt the tiger curl around her. Not wanting to leave her open to the world. Nestled in the marmalade fur. She touched each black stripe. Safely she fell asleep. Knowing how special he was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 This I like. Just a personal preference, but I'd change "When she was scared." to "When she was afraid,". The double-'s' sound doesn't scan as well when read aloud, to me, and it feels more grammatically correct. Good to see you posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthaninnocent Posted September 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Thank you Peredhil. I may take you up on that suggestion as i was never happy with that line myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Very nice poem, mindofvividcolours. :-) I think that the last two stanzas were my favorites, as I thought that "Nestled in the marmalade fur./ She touched each black stripe." was a beautiful passage that really conveyed the comfort that the girl feels with the tiger and her caring towards him. The simplicity of the last stanza was also very sweet and well-placed, and seemed to sum up the poem nicely. I also liked the knowledgeable nature of the tiger, and the manner that the girl seemed almost mystified by him at times. The prosaic style of this poem also makes me wonder if there's the potential for expansion into a longer story, which I'm sure could also make for an interesting read. :-) There were a few word choices that made the meanings of lines somewhat ambiguous to me, with two standing out in particular. In the fourth stanza, I'm uncertain what the "it" refers to... the tiger's claws or eyes came to mind, but those would both be plural. You may want to clarify that stanza a bit with some alternate phrasing or word choice. Also, I wasn't quite sure what the word "poster" referred to in the first stanza... do you mean a poster as in the material object that you hang up on a wall, a poster as in someone who posts on the internet, or some alternative meaning? There weren't really any other references to it throughout the rest of the poem to my knowledge, so perhaps the word isn't necessary. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this poem mindofvividcolours. :-) Thank you for sharing it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthaninnocent Posted September 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Wyvern The poster is a poster as in one that hangs on the wall. I wrote the poem especially for a friend of mine and have a poster which hangs in my room of a tiger to remind me of him. Obviously the personal nature of the poem would mean that it is ambiguous in some ways to a public audience, so apologies for that. I'm glad you like it. This poem is very personal to me. It's about my relationship with my friend. I have wanted to write a poem for him for a long time, but it was never the right time to do it. The impression you convey of my poem is entirely accurate. I can't make this into a story as I only write from the heart. My poems start and finish where it feels right to. However there may be other tiger poems in the future. It in the fourth stanza 'it' refers to the tiger as a whole. I deliberately used 'it' in the first line of the stanza and 'he' later on as I wanted a clear progression from poster to person. Thankyou for your comments. I always enjoy to read them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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