Skyline/Serenity

[Silver WInd]

Well because they are both short poems, I have decided to just put them together.

 

Skyline

 

Cloudless

sapphire sky

broken by towered trees

crisp quivering emerald green

forest.

 

 

Serenity

 

Serenity is

a state of the mind and a

condition of soul

Edited August 23, 2007 by Silver Wind

[Quincunx]

I'm not positive that "Serenity" is a poem. It might be the beginning of a list poem, but I believe that lists have at least three items.

 

"Skyline", on the other hand, I like and not just for the cinquain (?) form I never see, but for the lines slowly lowering my eye from the sky to the ground. "Towered" gives me the impression of a coniferous forest. "Emerald" is beautiful and does not need the "green" to follow it, although the word which follows does need to build upon "emerald" in some way.

[Silver WInd]

Thank you for your comments.

 

And yes you are right Skyline is a type of cinquain.

 

Regaurding Serenity, it is in the style known as Senryu which is a poem that is set up identical to a Haiku, with the difference being that instead of being about nature, a Senryu is about some aspect of Human nature or human emotion.

 

Opps but thanks for brigning it to my attention, I did notice one mistake I made that I will go fix.

Edited August 23, 2007 by Silver Wind

[lessthaninnocent]

I'm afraid I disagree with Quincunx. Skyline is the type of poem I can take or leave. Not because of the style which is clever more just the lack of content and chosen subject (which are completely my preferance and no reflection on the poet at all). However I really liked Serenity a beautiful philosophy carefully packaged in a poem. Short and sweet.

[Quincunx]

Aha! It was a haiku with a hiccup! I see now. (I don't pay much attention to the line-and-theme conventions of proper haiku, just judging by syllable count.)