Silver WInd Posted August 21, 2007 Report Share Posted August 21, 2007 Pulse Alone quickens the heartbeat to the song of darkness star-eyes watch mirthless in a twisted smile up crooked arm presented in of fearing follow the shadow light suspended only for a pulse where the moon stands still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Nice poem, Silver Wind. :-) I like the use of the word "pulse" in the tenth line, as the beat of the line and the moon reference following it do feel like they could occur in a pulse. Your uses of dark adjectives and imagery throughout the poem also give it a kind of scary tone, which works quite well. I also like the way that the poem starts with the quickening of the heartbeat, and the thought of the stars as eyes made me think of a giant bug. Out of curiousity, was the odd syntax of the lines "up crooked arm/ presented in of fearing" intention? I like the arrangement of those lines, but at the same time their syntax feels a lot different than that of the rest of the poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted August 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Thank you, regaurding the syntax of the two lines you mentioned. I honestly am not sure what I was first thinking when I wrote that, for one thing I wrote this poem while I was on vaccation at like the beginning of the month, and then just posted it upon my return and I was in sort of a werid place when I wrote it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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