Wyvern Posted August 11, 2007 Report Posted August 11, 2007 Regardless of whether or not this was something you "popped out in desperation" to defeat writer's block, I sorta like this piece Degorram. :-) Your descriptions are nice, particularly the descriptions of Euphrates, Amazon and Endeavor. You mention that the characters are inspired by actual men that you've met, and I think that it shows in their detailed descriptions... heck, I'm sure there are girls drooling over Euphrates manliness as we speak. ;-p In terms of possible things to improve, the one thing that I felt was sort of missing from this piece was a sense of conflict. The premise of the three men moving to England is promising, but their journey to the seaport seems to be mostly pleasant and they all seem happy to be going to England. Even during the storm, which is a point where some conflict is hinted at, it's more the horses that are struggling than the men themselves. If you ever feel like revisiting this or if you're planning on continuing it, I think that offering more conflict in the lives of the characters might bring out their personalities more by showing another side of their emotions. Anyway, thanks for sharing this Degorram. :-) I hope that it's helped in conquering your writer's block and I look forward to reading more from you soon!
Degorram Posted August 14, 2007 Report Posted August 14, 2007 Thanks Wyvern. Your critique made me laugh very hard when you mention the hordes of drooling girls.....you've no idea the truth of that statemen. No idea at all. I probably was setting myself up for the conflict error though. These four men that I know I admire very dearly, and even in writing I don't think I could cause them any harm. Silly, I know, but that's the mind that resides within me. However, in the future I shall remember this and add more conflicty things to my stories, whether you like war, injury, angst, burned toast, or almost dragonic brand demons attacking from the past. *shrug* I can think of anything.
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