Rogue

[Patrick]

A compelling read (took me an hour while at work, which I don't regret at all ). Your descriptions of scenery, clothes, weather, etc. are very good as usual.

 

I found however that there could have been a bit more spent on how the girls felt. I can see quite a bit of potential of exploring their feelings (both towards each other and towards others) to more depth. The actions also felt not quite fully fleshed out, but that might just be the difference in our writing styles (I usually write too much action, not enough description).

 

I sure am hoping that you are planning to continue this story!

[ryurei]

....*Curls up in a ball and purrs* ok enough nonsence and down to buisness: my first reaction after reading this story was to wonder how it would continue and if they might be our own Kikuyu and Degorram (sadly found the post about 4:00 am and read/reread till 6:00) I loved it so much because of the warm fuzzy feelings it left me with. i believe that as patrick pointed out that it could use a bit more notice to the characters feelings (bad guys to). i would love to see the story continue and see the girls get back together. also i would like to know just how Osma truely feels about the girls (does he see them as his children, a favorite rival, women, beloved aprinteses, or something else entirely?). all in all a great story!

[Kikuyu_Black_Paws]

I'm currently working on the next part of the story, so yes, it will continue. What happens in said sequel remains to be revealed. Thank you for the criticisms: I will definitely work them into the next section. Also, on Osma's feelings towards the girls, it's sort of mixed. He views them almost as trophies to his work- he considers that their incredible fighting skills are his own accomplishment. He's fond of them, but not in a fatherly or brotherly way. That too will be expanded upon in the sequel.

 

Till then, and thank you!

 

Kikuyu

Edited August 10, 2007 by Kikuyu Black Paws