OxygenPlant Posted August 6, 2007 Report Posted August 6, 2007 Let me inhale once more. I gasp as I choke down this monster I have swallowed. I want to breathe again, this scent of life. -Crisp pure mourning. -The rotting flesh within us. My surrogate formula for hope. A decay wrapped in tempt. I lust for this fix. To draw from the silenced well of black ink. Residing, hiding, within myself. Splashing aginst my unconscious feud that dictates my conscious. The purity, fighting the impurity. Let me inhale this once more. Let me nurse at this life force It is not darkness, but lack of light. No additional sin to tweak this confined centrefold, as I knew before this fight and bow my head to this demise. I ask, dearly Let me inhale once more.
cryptomancer Posted August 6, 2007 Report Posted August 6, 2007 Welcome, I do like this one, some rather wonderful imagery. some rather conflicting images making the indicision between doing and not doing wondefrfully vivid. thank you,
OxygenPlant Posted August 6, 2007 Author Report Posted August 6, 2007 Oh lame. I made a mistake. It's not supposed to be 'As I knew before this'. It's as I kneal before this. Lol, moment lost. Sigh.
reverie Posted August 8, 2007 Report Posted August 8, 2007 (edited) Ya know, you can edit a post on this site, if you'd like. Poem has life, i.e. isn't flat, I'll say that. Good job. "A decay wrapped in tempt." Line seems a bit strained. Might as well say "temptation" or even "tempting" (though it may skew the meaning some and you'd have to run with it too). cheers, rev... Edited August 8, 2007 by reverie
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