OxygenPlant Posted August 1, 2007 Report Posted August 1, 2007 Standing on this ledges edge, I challenge you to test this bitter outlook. To tell me I am wrong for being so, or acting so. Take your silent form. I am heedful. Four consequence denies me the right to be right. Aware that anything that changes cannot be reality, I indecently crave this to be real and unchangable. Like a stubborn child would, I firmly ground and mark my place, because I know today, is the tomorrow I created yesterday. With intension of quick decension, the sooner I will lose responsibility to forge again tomorrow. Come forth and show me, for I am a fool. Today I am wrong. Tomorrow may change.
Wyvern Posted August 4, 2007 Report Posted August 4, 2007 Nice poem, OxygenPlant. :-) I like the way that you challenge the second person at the beginning of the poem, as it definitely caught my attention and added to the bitterness of that line. I also like how the narrator of the poem admits his/her weaknesses over the course of the poem, as the comparisons to the child and the fool both gave the poem a more personal and contemplative feel. The way that you tie together the reoccurring time frames of the poem at the end was also very nice, though the lines about today being the tommorow created yesterday felt a little too general and vague to hold any meaning to me. Also, I'm not sure if the use of "Four" in the sixth line was intentional or not, but if it was meant to be spelled that way then I think that I missed the meaning of the number in that line. Anyway, this is very nicely done OxygenPlant. :-) Welcome to the Pen! I hope you enjoy sharing more of your stuff here, and look forward to reading more of your works.
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted August 4, 2007 Report Posted August 4, 2007 I really liked this. The vague riddles were a refreshing use of brain cells long since forgotten over the dreary summer days. I can't wait to read more of your thoughts!!
OxygenPlant Posted August 5, 2007 Author Report Posted August 5, 2007 Awww, thanks guys! I appreciate that. I agree that the today is the tomorrow we created for ourselves yesterday was very general etc. It's a quote from my favourite book. A book that's helped me in any ways, and grounded me through a lot of things. Using the quote is a sort of testiment to that book and the things it's made me realise about myself. So through that way it's personal to me, but not my own writing. Man I'm such a sap! Haha.
Recommended Posts