Rainy Day

[Ran Yoko]

this is something I'm writing off the top of my head. sorry if it doesn't sound as good as it could.

 

RAINY DAY

 

She stood on the hospital roof, pounded by the rain, her screams and sobs of anguish drowned out by the thunder. The white dress she wore was the one that he had given her, and the bandages on her wrists showed under the edges of the long sleeves.

He had finally betrayed her. She knew it was coming, but somewhere in her heart she had hoped it wouldn't happen. Lipstick on his shirts, a women's calling card sitting in plain view on his coffee table. He had missed nights together for the past two months, and always avoided talking to her recently.

She had met him in college, just three years ago. She fell in love with him at first sight, and she thought it had been the same with him. She should have known it wouldn't last.

He finally told her to her face.

"I never really loved you. I just wanted your dad's money. I didn't even know you were an illegitimate child, and not even going to get an inheritance when he finally dies. Besides, it's not like we were even really dating in the first place, remember? Just the odd dinner here and now. Good-bye."

She had taken the knife to her wrists last night. She remembered the blood running down her arms and hands, and the utter hopelessness she felt as she passed into unconciousness.

She had woken in the hospital. Apparently he had come to get something of his, and found her lying in a pool of blood.

Her tears mingled with the rain running down her face. She just wanted to end it all!

"What are you doing up here!?" a voice behind her demanded. She turned to see him standing next to the door that led to the rooftop. "Get away from the edge of the roof!! It's dangerous!! You should be in bed."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, lowering her hands from her face.

"I got a call from your old man, asking me to get back together with you." He scratched the back of his head. "Why does he even bother?"

"So that's it," she said. "You knew I would do this. You didn't come back to my apartment to get something. You wanted to make sure that I didn't die, and you get blamed for it. You don't want my death to be your fault!"

"Yeah," he sighed, walking over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder. "Look, will you go back to bed? Please?"

"Don't worry," she said, grabbing his arms. "You won't be blamed for my death."

She yanked him with her as she stepped back off the roof. . .

 

Police sirens sounded as a crowd gathered around the two people who had fallen from the hospital roof.

END

[Wyvern]

Hmmm... an interesting piece, Sora Hikari. :-) The most interesting part of the story for me was how unfavorable an impression the main girl of the piece gave off to me, despite the situation of the piece seeming to be set up in her favor. I ended up sympathizing with the ex-boyfriend in the end... I'm not sure if this was intentional, but if you'd like to evoke more sympathy for the main girl of the piece, I would recommend expanding upon her emotions and her history with the ex-boyfriend. At the moment, I think the reason that I have greater sympathy for her boyfriend is because the girl's emotional struggles feel somewhat melodramatic without a strong backstory, and her decisions to cut herself and to take her boyfriend along with her in her suicide seem very selfish and unnecessary on her part. If I had a better sense of her complete desperation, with some knowledge of the events that give her a reason to feel so much despair upon learning of his betrayal, I think I would have a greater sympathy for her character... though taking someone else's life out of spite in a suicide is kind hard to respect whichever way you look at it.

 

Anyway, this short does have some nice scene setting, with the hospital rooftop and the spiteful fall from grace standing out in particular. Thanks for sharing it, Sora. :-)