Almost a Report on the Mooove

[Wyvern]

The news cameras shake and rotate at angles nauseous enough to make the Blair Witch Project look like Lawrence of Arabia. Pennites capable of stomaching the camera work squint as they briefly spot a crimson wing tip in the corner of the screen. They raise their brows as the main camera lense suddenly presses against Wyvern's snout, twisting his features and causing the lizard to gag and fall back for a moment. Many loaded carts of news equipment and wounded troglyodytes on stretchers rattle forward in the background, passing down familiar halls of the Pen.

 

"Greetingssss." Wyvern's face appears upsidedown on the screen for a moment, blurred by the moving ceiling lights above and a generally unproffesional-looking demeanor. "Welcome to the Almost Report - bringing it to you in mid-location-transfer, without all of the boring doodle mapping and illegal leasing info!"

 

The rustling of a sheet of paper is heard somewhere in the background under a harsh bout of static.

 

"Jussst a brief report this evening since we're kinda in the process of switching thingsss around." An expensive-looking vase falls somewhere in the background while a stretcher moves past it. "Asss you can see by the shapesss of these halls, the Mighty Pen's latest enchantment upgrade has been a success. Feel free to note any kinks on the Cabaret billboard, and be sure to thank Patrick for all his hard work in the meantime!"

 

The camera picking up Wyvern's voice suddenly falls out of focus. It nearly hits the floor, only to be tossed back into the air while spinning in every direction imaginable. The lense flashes a tail stinger and a troglyodyte's left leg before finally zooming in on Wyvern's left eye.

 

"On a different note: yoursss truly will be mossstly inactive until June 23rd. Apologiesss for the absence, I'm missing ya folks by the second... be expecting plenty o' new almost dragonic hijinks upon my return."

 

With that, the camera once again swerves out of focus, only to be followed by the image of a scaly foot. Only to be followed by the "image" of static.