Nyyark Posted May 28, 2007 Report Posted May 28, 2007 It's been some time since I last saw your face. I'd quite forgot the subtleness of you. You hurt you know, but I relish your pace Like drowning slowly, missing the reaper's cue. Familiar water, your gentle bath, Signals that home must end this destined path. I've traveled far from you, Melancholy, But only time will tell if lessons learn'd Are not scares but wounds, such quick heal'd folly. Home again, my path away once more turn'd.
Mynx Posted May 28, 2007 Report Posted May 28, 2007 Wow I like this, Nyyark It's wistful and sad and fits the way I feel when Meloncholy returns Really nice Thank you for sharing *hugs* Good to see you writing here again
Wyvern Posted May 30, 2007 Report Posted May 30, 2007 Very nice poem, Nyyark. :-) The "Like drowning slowly, missing the reaper's cue" line really stood out to me, both for its excellent wording and for its placement in the poem as a means of describing pace. Your uses of sonnet form are also very effective, as the rhyme schemes resonate throughout it without feeling blunt or forced. I think that I personally liked the first six lines of the poem more than the final four, as the personification of Melancholy and "wounds healed" theme weren't quite as intriguing to me as the "reaper's cue" or the "Familiar water," but the poem gels together well when all's said and done. Good stuff, thanks for posting it.
Nyyark Posted May 30, 2007 Author Report Posted May 30, 2007 Yeah the last four were a little weaker. I was trying to make sure I honored the Major and Minor Octet, which calls for a sonnets to first six lines to be of the theme, and the last 4 to vary (if I remembered rightly) so I tried personifying, then the actual journey. I think maybe it would have been stronger if I'd chosen a more subtle minor, or one that elaborated more directly to the theme of the major.
MinimondoT Posted May 31, 2007 Report Posted May 31, 2007 All I can say is WOW. I am really impressed with this one.
Parmenion Posted July 2, 2007 Report Posted July 2, 2007 (edited) Um I mean no offence and pardon my ignorance but isn't a sonnet comprised of an octet and sestet (or something?). Basically, 8 lines followed by 6 lines for 14 lines in all... Edited July 2, 2007 by Parmenion
reverie Posted July 2, 2007 Report Posted July 2, 2007 (edited) You're right Parm. It's not really a sonnet. It's poem that been informed by a sonnet. I'm guessing it grew from Nyyrak's recollection of what the rhyme schemes of the English and or Spencerian sonnet looked like (though out of order) combined with how the two stanza's (Octet / Sextet) of an Italian sonnet usually behave. It's like a condensed mixture of all three. I never mentioned this because I thought Nyyrak was going for something like a broken or shattered sonnet: something that initially acts like a sonnet, but fails to complete the form for dramatic (or some other) effect. At any rate a traditional sonnet in English usually is written in iambic pentameter, follows some rhyme scheme that is tied to the narrative or lyrical progression of the poem's stanzas, and always has 14 lines. Modern one's pretty much can follow every rule or none at all of the traditional sonnet forms so long as they have 14 lines. The exception there being double, triple, or some other multiple of linked sonnets and or broken/shattered sonnets, which again aren't really sonnets at all, just informed by them. Here's a break down... or you can read up on it here: http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/sonnet.html Nyyark's poem: 1 Sextet and a quatrain. Rhyme scheme: a b a b c c d e d e Petrarchan / Italian (Oldest common form of Sonnet used in English Lit.): 1 Octet followed by 1 sexstet Rhyme scheme: a b b a a b b a c d e c d e (Common Sextet variants: c d c c d c ; c d e d c e) Shakespearian or English: Rhyme scheme: a b a b c d c d e f e f g g ------ Spenserian Rhyme scheme: a b a b b c b c c d c d e e Edited July 2, 2007 by reverie
Nyyark Posted July 23, 2007 Author Report Posted July 23, 2007 Indeed it was peiced together from my memory of how to do sonnets. I was going for the broken theme, but my mistakes seem to have worked to my advantage. Good to point it out though. One thing I've noticed is regardless of conforming a real standard or not, forcing myself to conformed to a percieved standard really increased the quality of the work.
reverie Posted July 25, 2007 Report Posted July 25, 2007 One thing I've noticed is regardless of conforming a real standard or not, forcing myself to conformed to a percieved standard really increased the quality of the work. That's a good point. People end up crafting new standards of poetry all the time. When enough people imitate it, someone eventually decides to name it and bam! you got a new form or style. rev...
Parmenion Posted July 25, 2007 Report Posted July 25, 2007 What are you talking about man? Us old school peeps dont like change! Stop talking absurdities!
reverie Posted July 29, 2007 Report Posted July 29, 2007 eh change happens all the time. sometimes you can't see it 'til a few decades or so after the fact.
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